Dutch Girl

Also known as Dietha. My lovely Dutch cohort in crime. Am meeting up with her for the first time in about 7 years. She's in Chicago and I have a 3 day weekend to run amok with her. Am off to an Irish pub to begin our debauchery then perhaps to the Funky Buddha Lounge.

I hope to make it back to Amsterdam in the next year or so as I am particularly fond of this city. And not for the obvious eyebrow raising, nudge inducing reason. Well, not just that. It's cool and they have top trance djs.

But for now we're in Chicago and if this weekend isn't dripping fun I don't know what is. I'm taking my mind off the bogmire work has become and focusing it on Good Times. Yay for Dutch Girls!

Better

Lovely long weekend is in the midst. Outside bbqs and sunny days are here. Things don't seem so bad with 3 fun-filled days to look forward to. Am off to run amok outside with friends and stuff. Have a good Memorial weekend.

Challenge

I am feeling the heat of my job. Am a bit fed up with it to be perfectly honest. It is hard to imagine doing the same thing day in day out for the next 40 years. Some people are made for this type of routine. The workaholics and corporate-climbers that put half-assers like me to shame.

I've realized lately that even though I may show aptitude towards certain subjects, I'm still only mediocre. I'm like this in everything I do. I got good grades not great. I could play the flute well enough to get into symphonies but didn't have the courage or discipline to be a first. I do well at my job so I'm not called out but I could be much better (plus, I am sick of having to be a bitch to be liked in this profession. It is like going back to junior high all over again and I am not very good at being a bitch).

I suppose I am saying that I am average. Average has such a negative connotation. Some people think they are above everyone. I know I'm not. Am not trying to gain sympathy in this post, I know that I will toughen up and figure things out. Eventually. Just hoping it happens before I go ballistic and do something inappropriate (telling the b-o-s-s to stickit).

Remembrance

14 years. I still think of you everyday and wish I had known you better. You brought joy to so many yet couldn't do it for yourself. Despite my love for you, I am hoping to not make the same mistakes you did.

I wish you were here. Sometimes, I dream that you are. I'll wake up excited thinking it has all been a cruel joke and you will hug me and hug me and make me feel safe.

Then I realize the truth and it hurts. I've stopped crying over it. Except for this day. Because I am allowed today. I miss you. It isn't fair and I don't understand why but I love you and I miss you.

Stats

I don't often do this but I checked my stats for my blog today. Seems like there's someone in Texas who visits quite a bit. I don't know anyone in Texas except a girl I went to high school with and haven't seen in about a decade. And I know she doesn't read this blog.

So, Mr/Ms. Texas. Hello there. How are you? How is Plano these days? I bet it is heaps warmer than Chicago. Although it has now reached 73F days here. What are your plans for the summer?

I also have a reader from Maroochydore, Queensland. Howdy. I miss it Down Under, please wave to some kangaroos for me and go for a surf (I see Byron Bay isn't too far away).

And hello London, Woking, California, France, New York, and Massachusetts. Thanks for dropping by. Happy summer! Let's all run outside together and get a wink of lovely light (this may not work for the English readers, although I have heard rumors it's been quite sunny lately). Ready, steady, run!

Everyday Sounds

This weekend was very rejuvenating and lovely.  Friday my friends and I went out to a Polish club to party to some of our dubber dj mates.  It was a fantastic evening.  The next morning, bf and I shuffled out of bed and into the car to go see my family in the suburbs.  I haven't seen them since Christmas and they live 46.5 miles away.  Pathetic on my part.  I'm aware.

Driving to the expressway down Division St. is an interesting experience.  You go from Lake Michigan to Yuppie/Old Money to Irish Pub Central with the Posers to Pita/Pizza/Kebab take-aways to Blue Light Districts of America's version of Council Flats to Massive Amounts of Concrete with millions of cars aka The Kennedy Expressway.

Just before turning onto the Kennedy, bf and I stop at a red light for a few moments.  I turn to my right and see out the window a bike chained up to a railing before a concrete wall.  The bike is rusting and fake flowers are tied around the seat.  Attached to the bike is a sign that reads: "[Girl's Name] 6.3.73 - 6.3.05.  She heard everyday sounds in music."  

I pointed it out to bf who was quiet a minute before stating, "That's intense."  Perhaps it was due to my fragile hungover state but this really choked me up.  My eyes welled up a bit and my nose got a little sniffly.  I would've popped a tear or two out if I could make them.  "She heard everyday sounds in music."  That's beautiful.  Beautiful.  

But so young to die and in such a crap way. On her birthday.  Made me really feel for her and her family.

I suppose it was this incident that stuck in my mind for the rest of the weekend.  Makes me appreciate the people who love me even more.  It was lovely being home and seeing the folks.  Hanging out on the lake, smelling the blooming flowers, and walking the dog.  I hope I hear everyday sounds in music for many years to come.

Bright Side

Was feeling a bit blah today.  But then my family sent me this: 



I'm smiling now. Thanks family.

Blockage

Have the dreaded blogger's block. There is nothing new, funny, or interesting to post. Well, that's a lie. There is but it's personal stuff that can't be posted on here and I don't want to spread gossip about loved ones. I could also write about a desperate person who I feel sorry for but that would only make me sound like a high and mighty bi-yatch. I am trying to be better.

I used to be accused quite often of being 'too sensitive.' I still am, occasionally, but a certain person was forced into my life that has toughened me up. Actually, I think I've gathered a whiff of her bitchiness and now I have to stop and ask myself if I've really just thought this or said that. I can't stand people who are outright hostile and horrible to people they don't know. And I am worried I may be doing this to someone right now.

Ah, well. Things could be worse. Apologies on the weak post.