Selfish

Recently I’ve been debating with a friend about selfishness in the world. He argues that basically anything people feel or do comes from innate selfishness, conscious or otherwise. At first I thought, “Get off! That can’t be true, right?” But then I tucked it away.

A day or two later I found myself wondering about selfless acts. Are they a myth? I told myself that I would find an example to prove my friend wrong.

I was trying to get into my friend’s mind and see his point of view. This way if I couldn’t find anything selfish about scenarios I thought of or came across he might not either (and I’d win the debate!).

An obvious example would be doing good deeds (i.e. helping out charities, animal shelters, unfortunate kids, giving money to homeless, etc).

It is easy to point out the selfishness in this example. Doing good deeds sounds well…good. They are appropriate, kind, considerate, and deemed respectable, indeed encouraged throughout society as a whole (depending on how good is defined and in what context said deeds are carried out).

However, being good has rewards. People may do good deeds in order to feel better about themselves or to help a greater goal of some sort. Any way one looks at it, there is a selfish aspect tied in somewhere whether conscious or not.

There was another example discussed of a mother saving her son or daughter but that was deemed technically selfish as well since the mother would be “happier” and “healthier” with her son alive and not dead, therefore even though a mother would most likely act on pure instinct to save her child deep down she would be selfish for saving them. (My other good friend, F, disagreed most vehemently about this. Fair enough.)

Does this mean altruism doesn’t exist? I’d like to think it does. It’s a bit disheartening believing that everything people do is somehow linked purely to their own desires. I don’t think this should stop people helping others. If good deeds are generated through selfishness then I reckon it’s a win/win situation.

Realisation

“Coffee?” The server didn’t even need to ask. The coffee pot descended and filled two cups. “Lemme know when you’re ready to order.” She sashayed back and forth down the aisle of booths.

“Wicked play, hey?” I asked A. We laughed and discussed the play we had just come from moments earlier. The server reappeared tapping her pen impatiently and we ordered. Conversation smoothly transitioned onto the paranormal and then onto the ever rocky topic of religion.

“I’m agnostic.” I stated.

“I’m atheist.” He stated. “Why are you agnostic?”

“I don’t believe in the Bible. And I don’t believe in any particular religion, either. I don’t know what comes next.”

“Why does anything have to come next?”

“Because I feel uncomfortable with the thought that there’s nothing left after we die.”

“But why is that uncomfortable?”

“Well, half of me wants to believe in an afterlife where things in this world cease to exist and everything is fine and dandy beyond. The other half is logical and says that there is no proof of an afterlife. Why am I uncomfortable with that?”

“Because you’re afraid. People fear the unknown, don’t they?”

“That’s it! But if you think about it…if there is nothing after death and the mind dies along with the body…how would we know there’s nothing else? If we no longer exist…then it doesn’t matter!”

A smiled at me and nodded, “There you go.”

Leave

“I don’t love you.” She said.

“Why? What’s wrong with me?” He asked, upset. She turned her head away and shook it gently. As she went to rise from the bed he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. He tilted her head up so she was forced to see his face and look into his eyes. He tried to meaningfully kiss her but as he leaned in she turned her face away.

“I can’t. This isn’t working, I need to leave.” This is horrible, she thought, we sound like we’re in a cheesy soap opera. I need to go home and get away from him. Fuck, I really can’t stand him any longer.

She got up quickly so he couldn’t grab her again. She rooted around on the floor for her shoes and once found slipped them on.

“Please don’t go. I love you so much.” He croaked pathetically. He stood up and began to walk toward her. She backed away towards the door whilst grabbing her handbag on the sofa.

“I’m sorry, I really am. Take care, ok?” Need to leave NOW! She turned one last time back to him and looked at his anguished face. “I’m sorry.” She mouthed silently and then opened the door and rushed out into the raining night.

This is so shite. Why did things move so quickly without her? All she wanted was a bit of fun and company. It didn’t need to get serious. But it did, at least on his end.

The rain pelted down harshly. Punishing, she thought. Was this her karma? Was it going to come back to her? Round and round questions flew inside her head. She shook it and strands of wet hair slapped her face and stuck there. One thing she knew for certain was she was doing the right thing. Staying there would’ve made both of them miserable in the long run.

A saying came to her out of nowhere, “You can’t run away from who you are.”

Unbelievable

It's been awhile since a post due to all the activity going on here! Lots of wicked stuff. Been going out heaps with friends to clubs and sightseeing with Shelley who was here for about 9 days. Despite subarctic temps and fighting off illness, we managed to do quite a lot! Latest features here at the moment are dancing, electronica music, and the film Pan's Labyrinth.

Above & Beyond (my favourite djs after Tiesto) were in Chicago last Saturday and they were unbelievable, excellent stuff! Shelley and I danced for hours before having to bolt to my flat, pick up her suitcase, and send her to the airport for a 6am flight to London. That's what I call a trooper! Good on ya, Shelley, thanks for coming to see me! The photo above is of us at Soundbar with DJ John Grammatis.

Now it's back to work for the next few weeks until I make another trip across the pond in mid-March. My company's been sold and I'm being made redundant at my job at the end of summer so I'll be heading back overseas indefinitely, HK is on list for late Autumn. See everyone soon!