Dentist

I have got to get to the dentist. It's been less than a year since I've been there so it actually could be a whole heaping pile worse (i.e. never). But there's been some damage going back about 5 months now that I still haven't corrected.

I don't know if it is a) I don't like the dentist (and let's be real, who really enjoys that sadistic place? Except the weirdos who get off on pain?) b) I just really can't be bothered (um, that is another way of saying lazy) or c) There's nothing good in it for me. I don't care about the free toothbrush and floss. Give me a necklace or free tickets to a concert or better yet--money. Yes, it would be awesome if the dentist decided to pay me for being such a good patient (that is, showing up in the first place).

The goodies that dentists dish out to people (after they are through with the torture--"Let me just rip this tooth out of your gum, don't worry, yes, yes, swallowing the blood is normal. Yes, I know it hurts, don't worry you've got a jazzy blue toothbrush and minty waxed floss coming to you") just isn't enough to compensate for the discomfort and sheer anxiety a trip to the dentist ensues in most people.

Not that I have a severe phobia. I just don't like the dentist. I think you'll find most people agree with me. Unless you are one of the masochistic few who like drilling and pulling of teeth. You weirdos.

I suppose there are a few goody-two-shoes out there who have never had to worry about getting their teeth drilled. Probably the ones whose parents are dentists themselves and therefore are sheltered from sugar until they are 13 and discover good-natured cigarette-trying, snicker-filled, beer-guzzling rebellion. But in adulthood, they are actually very good about their teeth and don't mind the dentist. Oh, to be spared the anxiety...

I, on the other hand, have had cavities since I was 10. Sugar was my friend. (And still is, obv, hence the teeth problems). Fear of white coats and flouride treatments run wild. The sterile beast. I shall ask for a pretty necklace next time at the dentist. Or at least $20. It's the least they can do.