Self-Conscious

Walking into the meeting today at our Regional Office was a bit of a nightmare. My hair was unkempt from the lovely Chicago wind and I had forgotten my heels at the other office so I was sporting trainers with dressy trousers (always classy).

I was the second to arrive and the first lady in gave me a judgemental up and down look before extending her hand and doing the fake smile bit. I played along. Other people began filtering in and the grooming was excessive. I know I shouldn't get so paranoid about what these corporate yokes think about me but I somehow do. Sad, I know. Perhaps pathetic (the tiniest wee bit).

I had managed to get to the meeting in one piece at least which is saying quite a lot since I almost walked into a bus. I'm not always 100% coherent in the morning.

After the conclusion and everyone was getting ready to leave I noticed people from my office shmoozing with Judgemental Lady who was shaping up in my mind to be a total cow. She gave me another snide look (and I'm not going to lie, I saw a few of them thrown my way. It was like stepping inside a groomed cat parlor or something and I was the stray running inside for warmth or whatsits.). I don't think I'm particularly unappealing and things definitely could be worse (probably) but stop the bitchiness already! I can't handle it at 9am!

I sometimes fear that I'll get sacked for not looking the right way. I work with beautiful blondes and I'm the odd woman out. But I'm silly. Seriously, they can't fire me for not being beautiful, right? Oh god, I'm so paranoid. I'm not dying my hair blonde (again...)! Oh for Chrissakes. I need a coffee.