Reminder

Every now and then I get a swift and strong reminder of why I do not want children. Such an occassion happened Saturday at the zoo. It was a family weekend and the small grand-daughter was visiting so we all went to see the animals. As you do.

The tots were scattered around the place in copious amounts. They were like little scraps of food no one wants and can easily be stepped on. As we were entering the "Big Cats" section a snot-nosed brat deafened me by pretending to be a lion. "Raaaaaarrrrr!" I covered my ears and shook my head as he giggled and then jumped onto the railing protecting him from the large cats. Fall in, fall in, fall in, I prayed fervently.

No, I don't really want kids to be hurt or die or whatever. I just don't want some of them to exist. Around me. They are sooo loud, I can't relate to them, and they have got way too much of the wrong type of energy. The type of energy that I have tons of like dancing or travelling or whathaveyou is to me what yelling, screaming, jumping, and pinching are to little kids. Ok, I guess we have jumping in common (especially whilst excited (usually about some form of electronic music. Me, that is. Not the little kids. Because let's face it. They have crap taste in music)).

And snot. Good God, kids have a tremendous amount of mucus. I don't understand how parents allow their spawn to run around with dripping nastiness dripping everywhere. It is not ok to have it dripped upon strangers, let it be said. It is wrong. Disgusting and wrong. Therefore, I will not have children. Because of their loudness, annoying energy, and snot. I haven't even mentioned tears. But I think that goes unsaid.

Honestly I sometimes wonder if there is something wrong with me in regards to my tremendous dislike of children and babies. Most women are maternal, surely. Then how come I don't have that gene? For some reason instead of wanting to coo and say "Helllooo" in a saccarine-filled voice I get the strongest urge to punt-kick the nearest little darling so that they are at least 100 meters away from me.

No, I won't ever actually act on these instincts. Because being locked up is not an option when travel plans are in the works. But kids, c'mon. Get your fucking act together and grow up already.