Jump

Every day is different for everyone. As we go on our self-absorbed ways we sometimes look over those who are having a difficult time finding a way to follow. We are busy with shallow things that take on significance for whatever reason such as needing to get a particular perfume or picking up a few groceries that could easily wait. I woke up and had a positive and productive day and then went home to a suicide.

Yesterday I had a fantastic but very busy day at work. I walked home the 4 blocks from the subway and everything seemed normal. Beautiful, in fact. I have been living in my new neighbourhood for 3 days now. I breathed in the lush autumn air and savoured it for a moment before turning the corner and entering my building.

I convinced the bf to come with me to pick up some wanted perfume a few blocks away. It is a bit expensive but I work hard and it is a luxury I love. Bf and I, hand in hand, waltz outside into the dusk. We are greeted by ambulances and cop cars galore. We ask one of the officers if we could get out of our area they were taping off. Once out we asked the stander-bys what was happening. "A man's about to jump," a woman was telling a couple, "He's pretty far up, just a couple of stories from the top. He has his legs over the side." Bf and I looked up worriedly but didn't see very much. We decided to leave whilst saying to each other how much we hope he wouldn't jump.

Once at the perfume shop I forget momentarily about the potential jumper and am enjoying myself tremendously. I meet an Ozzie and have a lovely chat with her for awhile, pay for my purchases and then bf and I saunter out into the crisp evening air.

Whilst walking back down to our apartment we discovered that the man had jumped. It was a sad shock. For the rest of the night it came back to me intermittenly. I would be laughing at something stupid in the grocery store and then realise that someone had just killed himself from the building across from mine. He wouldn't buy groceries ever again. I couldn't get my head round it. He was alive when we left and dead when we came back. Why did it happen? What was wrong? What was he like? How old was he? What went through his head as he jumped, as he decided to just DO IT?

I may be hung up on superficial stuff but if I ever get seriously stressed I will remember this guy and tell myself that nothing is ever that bad. I just won't let things get that bad. What a way to go... at least it was fast.