Jealous

I was in a long-term relationship a few years ago that crushed me when it ended. I was mad with grief. It hurt so much I felt like my arm had been cut off and I was struggling through the world without my precious limb.

Obviously, I didn't handle the break-up well. Mostly we broke up due to my insane jealousy. I was horrible. I admit it. Jealousy is ugly. It's the worst emotion in the world. It breeds paranoia, anger, and suspicion. To this day I don't understand why I felt like this or how it totally possessed me. He wasn't cheating on me, I lived with him and his family, we had the same friends... What it comes down to is that I was insecure.

What's funny is since that relationship I've never felt jealous again...It's like all the ugly emotions were knocked out of me. The relief of being released is ten, no a million fold. I find myself wishing I could go back in time and change the way I acted or the things I said. I realise now how immature I once was. By no means was I the only one who did wrong in the relationship but there is tremendous regret on my behalf.

I wish I could tell that past person how sorry I am about certain things. Even though we may never speak to each other again I wanted them to know that I admire them and hope they are happy. Perhaps I should even thank them for throwing the jealousy out of me. All it needed was a good shove.

And now I can breathe.