Empty
Sometimes when I get out of the shower I get an acute sense of emptiness. And it hurts. Then I continue to feel a bit melancholy and amiss for the rest of the day. I don't know why these moments come to me every now and then, even when things seem to be quite good.
But when they do, the words that are repeated over and over in my head are, "I want to go home. I just want to go home." This happened frequently when I lived overseas, which is understandable. However, what do I do when it happens and I am at home? And why does it seem to happen just as I'm stepping out of a shower? Perhaps because I'm at my most vulnerable? I feel horrible heartache and my stomach is flipping with anxiety. I feel as if I am grieving. And I don't know why.
posted by Kathryn @ 1:52 PM
11 Comments:
Maybe you should start taking baths?
I guess it's a trigger of sorts. I guess we all have them, something that opens up a quiet part of the mind where some undesirable feeling lurks in the dark. I'm going to think about this as I know there have been time in my life where I know certain feelings arise, set off by some trivial event.
Sending you hugs from just a few miles away, shame I'm just passing through. That drink will have to wait a bit longer.
Anonymous- Actually, that's not a bad idea. But it would take a lot longer to do in the morning before work...
Brom- Thanks. I never thought of it as a trigger so that is interesting. Hmm.
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I get that way sometimes when I think about my family in Ireland. Start asking is this all there is, am I missing out on whats really important or as you say I just want to go home. It's not so bad when the friends are all getting along, but when things go sideways and your roommate is a retard, it makes me feel miserable. In the end I realize I'm basically an alright person with good values. It makes me wonder how do the asshole people live with themselves when they get introspective. My guess is they blame everyone else for their own issues and they never improve cause everyone one else is wrong when they're right.
Not sure why your self doubts come out after the shower, but it could be what the other person said, that it's a trigger. Well in my opinion you shouldn't worry about yourself, cause your great and are living a good life.
Think I got my post right now after it coming out wrong the first two times.
Noel- You're the best, thanks for that. It's weird that this feeling
comes and goes. I can't figure it out but I think Brom is on to
something about a trigger.
Don't worry about the crap roommate, it's definitely a temporary
situation and we're gonna throw the biggest house party for you
afterwards. Let's hang out this week. Beer 'n wings at Birds Nest?
Four Shadows? Let me know. :)
I get same feelings sometimes and I think it is the effect of the hot water itself. When I am in a swimming pool or taking a cold shower things different. Do you have the same experience too?
Hang in there. You'll never beat October
M Chadi Alraies- Hello. That's interesting, it could have something to do with the effect of hot water. I think I might look into it.
Cliff- Too right. Cheers. :)
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