Adventures in Kathrynland

Tasmania

2010-02-16T21:33:00.002-06:00

I'm in Tasmania at the moment and it is really something worth writing about. I think most people tend to forget adding Tasmania onto their Australian tourist itineraries because of the East Coast and Northern Territory. After all, it is a MASSIVE country and most people have limited time and funds. But Tasmania shouldn't go unlooked--it is just too stunning.

Port Arthur is very well known to all Australian residents due to its convicts' history. Port Arthur was a secondary punishment station in an isolated part of the Tasman Peninsula and those who were sent there had to have been very, very bad--committing multiple crimes. Port Arthur was different from the other prisons in Australia in that it had a new solution for these tortured souls: Reformation. If you try to better the person and teach them the Word of God, then perhaps these convicts will be saved in the afterlife, if not actually in this life.

The problem with Reformation is that it didn't work. Either the convicts were hell-bent on escaping or creating as much havoc as possible or they went mad. Corporeal punishment was eventually banned because those who were beaten became rockstars to the other inmates. Anyway, lots of bad shit went down on this site. And it is all the weirder because Port Arthur's location is set amidst a startling beautiful setting of golden hills, crystal clear blue water, and lovely thick green forests. As one famous inmate quoted (and I'm paraphrasing): It seems more like a setting for a romantic getaway than a site for a prison.

I love the paranormal and it would seem odd not to venture into that little area whilst at this infamous place. I went on a ghost tour and it was quite exciting but with little to report. I can imagine the lingering spirits, however. (Sidenote: The Port Arthur massacre that occurred in 1996 by Martin Bryant was not mentioned once at the Historical Site. Not once.)

I also travelled up to Freycinet National Park and camped amongst the huge pink granite cliffs and secluded Hazards Beach. Hiked to Wineglass Bay and sat among the surf at Friendly Beaches. Truly, Tasmania is just the prettiest destination I've visited and I wish I had more time and money to thoroughly enjoy this little patch of Australia.

Home versus Here

2010-02-09T23:48:00.007-06:00

As the return date closes in on a month, I am starting to get more panicky with dread. I like it here. I don't like it as much there. I think the hardest part is leaving the people who became like family to me in Australia. Who are, simply, just family and should always be around. It seems impossible to imagine a world where I won't be able to ring them after work for a quick chat to debrief our days and catchup. I think what has to happen is that they will have to be imported to America if I can't find a way to stay in Australia somehow. Yes. Yes, a very good plan. Sort that out, already, Aussie Family, K? Ta.

Also. What am I going to do in a world without being surrounded with Vegemite, Lucas PawPaw Ointment, Tim Tams, Mint Slices, Trams, and Stubby Holders? Must I import these things monthly to feel somewhat connected with the Down Under-World? Why can't Australia just move to America? Just do it already. Do. It.

I've been incredibly lucky this last year and I don't regret a moment of it, good or bad. There were lots of gray experiences that were quite enjoyable, too. It's not that I dislike Home so much as it feels like it's been placed elsewhere most of my life. At Home I feel like a visitor and Here I feel like a native. I do not understand this.

Thank you, Australia. You are the best country ever. After Brazil.

Roadtrip QLD

2010-02-08T16:04:00.008-06:00

Had a great time roaming around in Queensland this last week. Flew up to Brisbane aka 'Brisvegas' to see the bf's relatives and then wandered down to Byron Bay and Nimbin. After a particularly troubling experience we made our way north again to the Glasshouse and Blackall Mountains, Rainbow Beach, Fraser Island, Rockhampton, and Great Keppel Island.

Next up is Tasmania and then Sydney to say goodbye to beloved friends. I cannot believe it's been almost a year since I came to Melb

ourne and I just wish this could go on forever. I love Australia long time.

Girl on tram

2009-09-17T04:31:00.003-06:00

Saw a girl on a tram today. It was pissing down rain outside work and I took the first available tram that almost hit me. I swung my backpack off my shoulders and put it on my lap as I sat down next to a man and across from a girl and an elderly gentleman. The old chap glanced at me briefly to see if I would swipe my tram card. I didn't. I have someone's old year pass and even though you're supposed to swipe it so the transport system can have the most up to date statistics, I like to fuck with them occasionally and not swipe it. But it's not really because I have an innate desire to fuck with the transport system in Melbourne. Most of the time I just really can't be arsed.

So, sensing his disapproval I look to the girl next to him. She's off in her own world reading Time Without Clocks by Joan Lindsay. And she's got this serene smile on her face like she's at a particularly lovely part. She's only about an eighth of the way through the book but already she's happy and it's adding to her growth as a human being. I keep looking at the cuff on her jacket sleeve. She has her arm up on the window ledge and she's wearing a red long-sleeved shirt underneath a stylish black leather jacket that has metal zips at the end bit of the sleeves. A home-made red knitted scarf completes her ensemble and she looks pretty interesting.

Her eyes are sweet and her smile is genuine. It makes me want to smile, too. I wonder why it is that us humans can be so beautiful in certain ways and so ugly in others... I like how she stops and starts reading the book to gaze pensively out the tram window. I do this, too, so it is curious to me watching this other girl. I feel like I might know what she's thinking.

I think she sees me watching her out of the corner of her pretty eyes so I swing my gaze back to the old man. He is still peeved about the tram card. And by this time it was my turn to hop off.

I think I might read Time Without Clocks soon.

I don't feel like writing on here anymore

2009-07-07T02:28:00.003-06:00

Too many things going on and I feel like keeping mum. Hope everyone is doing well.

Silence

2009-05-27T01:47:00.003-06:00

Apologies on the blog silence. Things have been put on hold for a bit while my life slowly unwinds. I feel like it is falling and splitting into a million awful pieces. At this point, I keep getting told to "Hang in there", "Something will come along", and "It had to be done." I know these people are right. But it hurts and I'm scared. The black depression is pushing its way in and my fight is slowly starting to seep away, succumbing to its awful black veil. Must keep going, though. There is no other option...

Remembrance

2009-05-18T20:57:00.002-06:00

Missing you like every year...can't believe it's been 15 long ones. I think this post sums it all up.

Buy my car wax

2009-04-23T00:10:00.002-06:00

It's getting down to desperation time on the job front. I mean I'm 'this' close to swinging a sandwich board over my head and selling myself on the street saying "Free hugs for food" or "Will give rubs for cash." Hmm. Perhaps I'm not quite that desperate. But it's bad, dude. Bad.

I went in for a 'test run' as a waitress at a local gay cafe called ICE. It's across the street from a gay gym and all the occupants are pretty much gay and very, very H.O.T. I am not gay. I am not H.O.T. I am not a male. This might be the reason that after an hour of setting the tables and doing nothing but making things awkward for everyone by my femaleness, I got the boot. Head Gay says, "Sorry to waste your time. I don't think you'll be a good fit." I also think he said this because of the Wet Dream that walked in while I was "working" and looking for a job. I was secretly relieved because as soon as I set the first table I thought to myself, "Shit. This is gonna suck. I hate waiting tables." Luckily he did all the awkward bad news bit for me. So. I don't think I'll be a waitress. I know I'm giving up early but I seriously hate waiting on people. I'd rather eat my dirty sneaker (and it's filthy!).

The next day I attended a second interview with what I thought was a job in customer service for a phone company. Wrong. Those sneaky fuckers. It turned out to be the marketing company of the phone one and several others. The first interview was a group interview of about 5 people and none of us knew what the job entailed except you had to have "experience in customer service." I thought it was gonna be a sit-down desk job talking to clients. Oh, the ignorance. There were the stereotypical psychological questions including the crazy inkblot ("What do you see? A butterfly or a man who has killed his family?"), seemingly random questions that tell them your sexual orientation or some such, and a shitty math equation I'm shit at.

I got a "Congratulations!" text that said to meet for the second interview in the morning. I rock up to the place in my finest and see about 15 other people in the front room. There are 4 big screen tvs blasting sexually explicit music videos to the chagrin of all us suits. It is a very surreal experience to be sitting in an office reception area at 9:30am with suited up strangers watching and listening to the Bloodhound Gang's "Baby, you and me ain't nothing but mammals so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel." Sweet.

We're finally herded up like cattle and brought into a tiny room with the most uncomfortable plastic chairs in existence. If I hadn't had second thoughts before they are flitting through my head at this point. But I stay. Because the guy talking to us is cute. He's nice. He's smiling at me. Aww, isn't that nice? He must be a really good person. Hi, cutie, I see you. But wait. What is this? Why are you talking about me selling stuff? I don't do that. No siree. It's not really my thing, see? I hate people who do that to me. Pushy bastards. I am not a pushy bastard. And I wouldn't want to buy this crap in the first place.

Ooooh. Kay. Mr. Cute Liar is now telling me I will have to give a presentation to the other 15 candidates on why they should buy car wax from me. Alarm bells are dinging and it's not so much the fact I have to try to push this product on people who wouldn't want it, anyway, but that I have to do public speaking. Fuck that. I'm OUT! As soon as McGrinburger walks out the door I pick up my purse, walk out the door in front of everyone, signal the deceitful hottie, hand over delicately the pad of paper and pen he gave me and said, "I'm sorry, I don't want to waste your time but I can't do this." And I left. Kind of sad, though. Because now I miss him. I think we really bonded.

So, sales and waitressing are out. The search continues...

No sex isn't always bad

2009-04-15T20:56:00.004-06:00

I had just turned 19 and was going to uni in the States. It was miles away from anything interesting and as a travel-obsessed youngster I was chopping at the bit to move away. So I got a job. As a front-desk receptionist at a hotel near my campus. Boring, yes. Shit pay, yes. But a job, nevertheless.

There was a British guy in my dorms who I thought I might fancy. Probably only because he was from England. Americans held no interest for me because duh, they were American. I don't think I even thought this Brit was cute. I just wanted his internationality. Talk to me. Tell me what it's like in the UK. Better than here, I'm sure.

We went on a date. To the comedy club in the hotel that I worked at. He was 20 with a fake ID and I got in because of my employed status. I don't remember Britboy's name so let's call him Harry. Harry was wasted already when we met up and using a fake cockney accent. I could tell it was fake because a) there were times when a bit of poshness leaked out and b) I may have been a bit naive but not completely dimwitted.

"'ello luv. 'ow you doing tonight? Let's go piss ourselves laughing." I was jealous that he was so drunk. How dare he get tanked before our date without even inviting me along! I let it pass, though. Because you know. He was British.

We took our seats and the comics are shit. Really, outstandingly awful. Harry's ordered more beers and is laughing like it's the most hilarious thing he's ever heard. I'm getting a sinking feeling in my gut. The whole evening is garish and tacky. I wanted to hit Harry over the head, guzzle his beer, and run back to the safety of my dorm room. I was starting to think that just because Harry was British didn't mean that he was interesting.

The date finally came to an end when we got to our dorms. I headed up to the sixth floor and he headed up to the tenth. I said goodbye, you're very nice--yes, a nice chap, I agree, I'll see you around. Five minutes after having heaved sweet sighs of relief in my dorm but feeling I don't know, a bit lonely, I got a knock on my door.

Harry stood there swaying drunkenly and said, "We're jamming in our room up the apples and pears. Fancy joining?" Apples and pears? Seriously? He's going through some effort, apparently. And that was enough for me. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Ok."

Harry's room had about four other guys in it and a shitload of weed smoke. There was a cute guy holding a red guitar and I sat by him. Harry fell over the couch and muttered something drunkenly about how the couch always moves on him. Stupid couch. Then he shouts out in front of everyone, "Eh Kathryn! Got any British in you?" I could see where this was going..."No." I answered. "Would you like some? Heh heh heh." Man. He was so funny. That was a good one. Everyone thought so.

Harry's drunken stupor was getting really annoying. So we all put him to bed. Wrapped him up in his blankeys and sang him a lullaby. The guy just wouldn't go away, though. By this time Red Guitar Boy and me were giving each other the roving eye and kind of liking it. Harry was a fly in our ointment and he had to be taken out immediately.

Red Guitar Boy and me went back to his room. Heavy petting commenced to the background tunes of Phish. The banjos and country twangs to Snoop Dogg's 'Gin and Juice' was rolling along, contributing to the already weird atmosphere of the night. I stroked my hand down Red Guitar Boy's back and all of a sudden his body started jerking involuntarily. What the fuck? Is this a seizure? What's going on? A list of things that could go wrong ran through my head and I wondered if I would have to call an ambulance. The jerking last about ten seconds and then all of a sudden he said, "Sorry."

As I was contemplating what that meant, there was a loud banging on the door. "Red Guitar Boy! Get out here! We've called the police on Harry!" Huh? What the hell? We looked at each other and collectively thought, "Shit."

We ran out of his room and instantly the stink hit. Oh. My. God. Someone clearly didn't make it to a toilet in time. Then I looked down the florescent hallway and saw Harry passed out cold with his pants around his legs. Poo was dribbling out of him. It was foul.

Friend of his says to Red Guitar Boy, "We've called the police cuz we can't wake him up. What an asshole, man." I was about to get the hell outta there when Harry gets wind of what's happening. He tries to stand up and slips. Tries again and makes a stumbling way past us to the showers, bits of shit running down his legs into his jeans. I'm looking away thinking this is the crappiest night ever (literally) and that I should've just stayed in watching Friends dvds. Two minutes later and two cops arrive. They go into the showers and I can hear Harry pulling the shower curtain off the rail. There's some incoherent shouting and finally the two policeman are escorting out a very drunk but now clean Harry wrapped up in a shower curtain. They take him down the elevator and I say to Red Guitar Boy, "This has been weird. Yeah. I'll see you later." I took the stairs down two at a time and ran into my room. What just happened tonight?

The next day I ran into Red Guitar Boy walking into the dorm tower lobby. He pretended not to even know me. I was really quite relieved about that. Harry, on the other hand, felt the need to apologize to me. He sought me out and said, "Ah, hey Kathryn. Er, so, yar, um, I'm so sorry. I don't normally act that way. Sorry about that." And he took off. His cockney accent gone along with his dignity. It took the edge off of living in America thinking there are such weirdos lurking in the UK like him. So, actually, he did me a favor.

*This was written due to this post.

Fix

2009-04-15T06:15:00.002-06:00

From journal

4.15.09

Had such a nice time in Sydney. The whole week was a blur of laughing, drinking, and Tim Tams. It was pretty magnificent. Now I'm on Travel Comedown.

The Travel Comedown

I would compare the travel high to some quality drugs. It lifts you up bringing you to new blissful heights full of new people, new places; the strange and magical. You're flying--coasting. Surfing the travel waves of wonderment.

Sure, there are some bad trips. You get stuck in an airport for 3 days in Malaysia. With no air-con. Your shit gets stolen in South America and there's no one nearby to immediately help. Or you get herpes by that hot hottie European guy who you just couldn't say no to.* Yeah, that sucks. Real hard.

But despite the pit-falls and perils, the travel is worth it. Such beauty out there. Such ugly. We travel because we want to see both worlds. I want to see both worlds. Intense curiousity coupled with extreme motivation makes me move. On to the next destination. Show me what you got. Don't hold back. It's perfect. You're perfect. Travel is my ultimate addiction. Gimme my fix any day, everyday; just give it to me.

And then...there's reality. "Normality." Everyday 9-5 life. And all the hours in between. It's this time that I find difficult. I'm constantly itchy. Itchy with the travel itch. I cling on to others who are having a stab at the 'travel thing.' I pummel them with questions. Where are you going? What did you do? What did you see? Who are you now? You know, traveling vicariously. Waiting anxiously until it's my turn again. And to be honest, I've probably had more turns than is due to me. But wait, what bullshit, yeah? Priorities. You make 'em. Travel is my #1 so those turns are due to me.

But coming down from the travel high is crap. Everyday colors are that little bit duller. Everyday scents aren't as poignant or meaningful and food just isn't as exotic as you'd like it to be. There's a melancholy settling in. A light depression. Sometimes it's so light you don't really notice it until you're alone and all of a sudden you sigh. And think, "It's just not as nice here. I wish I were there."

Am on the job hunt right now. It should be interesting to see how this plays out. And when I can get another hit of my fix.

*None of that actually happened to me but it so could've...

Free hugs and lots of drinking

2009-04-12T06:25:00.004-06:00

I had the best time ever in Sydney this last week. Went back to my old haunts to see some old friends and visit new ones. And wow, I was totally blown away by how cool the whole experience was. I also love all the crazy and random shit that was strewn about this hilly city. From the reindeer busker during a tanty-fight, to the massively littered Kings Cross, and even the enterprising schoolboys in Wynyard station holding up a 'Free Hugs' sign (which, by the way, I fully hugged both of them. At the same time.).

It was a fantastic trip. Can't wait to go back and do it all over again. All the people I met up with were lovely. One in particular was quite fun and funny and I would probably hang out with them like all the time if I lived in Syd. But this person isn't very far away so I can pretty much count on meeting up with them now and then.

Now it's job hunting time... I suppose the 3 months of unemployment/holiday are over. Let the fun begin and may I strike lucky with a job! Hellz yeah.

Woolamai Beach

2009-03-29T18:02:00.005-06:00

The mysterious search for a house share

2009-03-28T18:44:00.002-06:00

This might actually be better titled: "The full-on annoyance of rejection." Oh, my god. It is unbelievably difficult to find a share house in Melb. Am spending most of my time looking for stuff near the city and not too far out and there are some reasonable prices and places. The people I've met have seemed decent and I really liked a girl so much I wanted to be her friend even though I wasn't the "chosen candidate" for the "spare room."

The rejection is palpable. Thank god for nice friends. Until I still haven't found a place in a month, then I'm afraid rent might be charged (understandable). Apparently, due to all the terrible bush fires, accommodation in Melbourne has been quite hard to find as everyone has flocked in from the countryside. It seems to be the exact opposite in Chicago.

The search continues! Bugger...

New City

2009-03-23T18:34:00.003-06:00

I've been in Melbourne almost a week now and I'm enjoying the vibrant characters strewn throughout this city. From the funky graffiti art to the gorgeous surrounding hills, I feel like I've landed in a pretty fabulous place.

I didn't realize how important coffee is here. But damn, do Melburnians take their cafe seriously. And I've found that it doesn't matter what time of day, whether it's 8am or midnight, someone will stop what they're doing and ask, "Want a coffee?" I asked my friend last night as we're all huddled around the kitchen table sipping the hot, creamy drink, "How do you go to sleep with such a crazy intake of caffeine?" The answer was simple--"I just do." I have a sneaky suspicion that after a lifetime of drinking bucket loads of tasty beans the people here have formed an immunity towards caffeine. Instead of getting super jacked at all times of the day, they can just enjoy the intense yumminess without the side effects. Unlike me. But gimme a year.

I'm also finding that most people here need a car to get around, not unlike Los Angeles. However, LA has nothing on Melb. It's just that the city is spread out so much that the public transport will get you a portion of the way you're intended to go. If I didn't have mates to help me out with lifts from time to time, I'd probably never leave the city centre. Hmm, that's probably not true...

My friend's father just asked me if I'd like something to eat. He's making me a sandwich the lovely person that he is and asked, "Do you want colors on it?" As in vegetables. Oh man, I love these people. I really like it here.

Clark Kent is gay

2009-03-18T15:29:00.002-06:00

From journal 3.16.09

Am sitting in a plane on the tarmac of LAX in Los Angeles. We are preparing for the mighty 14 hour flight to Sydney. I am bummed we don't have our own personal tvs like they used to have in the good old days. What is happening to modern travel? I need the map screen so I constantly know where in the world I am. Otherwise I feel lost and unfulfilled.

The flight from Chicago to LA had interesting flight attendants. They were both flamboyantly gay men, one with bleach blonde surfer hair and one with Clark Kent glasses minus the handsome Clark Kent. As I got up and walked to the back of the plane to relieve myself,* I saw Fugly Clark Kent inhaling one of the "gourmet" meals they were selling on the flight (ripping off is more accurate for the cherry tomato, 2 pieces of lettuce, and rubbery turkey). His eyes looked up above his geeky specs, he raised his eyebrows and then continued vigorously to shove his cherry tomato and 2 pieces of lettuce down his gob. Quite defiant, actually. I thought he might spit out, "I can do this y'know! My acting is ON HOLD."

Now I am wishing I had bought that overpriced prison food because my stomach is grumbling and saying it hates me (nothing new). Time to get knocked out for this shitty ride. Ah, the glamour of traveling...

*Um, I didn't actually 'relieve' myself at the back of the plane as that is quite rude. FCK was sitting by the bathrooms.

Adventure

2009-03-16T08:58:00.003-06:00

Hopping on a 24 hour flight to Melbourne today. After an excruciating decision of "window or aisle" I've decided to take the window seat on the airplane. I never know which one I'll be happier with but I figure I'd have to get up all the time for the people next to me if I'm on the aisle than if I'm next to the window. Omg, what if I should've chosen the aisle? Is it too late to change it? This trip is doomed, doooooomed! OR, what if they seat NO ONE by me on the flight and I have all three seats to myself? Yes, better be safe than sorry and stay where I am. Then I can sprawl out on the seats like God intended me to.

Am pretty much like a starving chimp at this point. That is, I am crazy and maniacal trying to make sure everything is ready. So many things to do and not enough time! Keep getting bouts of sadness at leaving people and my apartment but at the same time this is an adventure! I live for this shit.

If you don't hear from me soon it means either:

A) My plane has crashed in the Pacific and I am now living on a desolate, tropical island a la LOST. There better be doctors who survive our crash and someone who looks like Matthew Fox. And someone meatier than me so I'm not the first person feasted upon if worse comes to worse.

B) I've decided to come back home and am in the depths of shameful despair. I will not show my face anywhere if this happens and I can assure you 99.999% it won't.

C) I've landed safely in Australia but have decided to fly directly to Nimbin and become a filthy hippy selling 'special cookies' to unsuspecting (and very suspecting) tourists. I will walk to Byron Bay from time to time to collect seashells to tie in my dreds and frolick naked in the open sea.

D) I just don't like you anymore. Sorry.

Au revoir! Ciao! Adios! Kisses, dahling. Please cross your fingers I don't go down in the Pacific.

Just thinking...

2009-03-15T16:15:00.005-06:00

Doesn't The Edge from U2 kind of look like a bull terrier? I can't look at him without thinking I should give him a doggie treat and a pat on the head.

Helena

2009-03-02T21:14:00.003-06:00

A girl named Helena befriended me about six months ago in a clothes shop. She was from London and we got along quite well chatting. She asked for my number and invited me to a party she was throwing at her apartment that night, which happened to be about 2 blocks from where I live. So, I went. She then told me there was this jacket that'd look really great on me in the shop and could get me something like 50% off.

The next day she got me the coat and it was beautiful. We then went shopping for her. As we walked into the expensive shop she called the shopgirl over who she clearly knew and said, "Hey Zoe, why didn't you call me back?" Zoe, a gorgeous Asian girl in heels so high she looked like she was balancing on stilts, looked blindsided. "I didn't get a call from you, Helena."

"Yes, you did. I called you. Why didn't you call me back?" It was at this point things between all of us began getting awkward. My eyes were pointed towards the ceiling and bouncing all over the place. I would've started whistling if I thought it would help (help ME feel less awkward, I mean). Helena continued to ask over and over why Zoe didn't return her phone call and finally she said, "Ok. Let me see if I have the right number for you." And then proceeded to read this poor stilty girl's phone number out loud in front of me--a total stranger. I felt embarrassed now. This was only the second time of meeting Helena and I could clearly understand why Zoe was dodging her calls. Because she was smart.

After that little incident I began receiving round the clock texts from Helena. Ones that made me uncomfortable. Like, "Kat??? Are we meeting up??? Where are you????" Whoa. Talk about intense. The sheer amount of question marks really began to freak me out. I managed to dodge her almost constantly by making up one lie after another. "Can't meet, really sorry. Have to watch a friend's pet." Or "Ooh, sorry, can't. Going to get my eyebrows waxed." And even, "Really, really can't meet you. My dad's in the hospital." Finally, I stopped responding altogether hoping she'd take the hint.

One day I answered my mobile without checking the caller ID and was super peeved when I heard Helena's clipped little British accent on the other end. "Kat???" (Even through the phone I could hear the excessive question marks) "How ARE you??? Where have you been??? Are you avoiding me???" Oh. Dear. God. I wanted to scream, "YES! I think you're a fucking weirdo. Please go far, far away and never come back." Instead I was nice and chatted with her for a bit.

It was in the middle of the conversation where she said, "I was at work today at the Body Shop and this transvestite came in looking for make-up. He offered me a job to be his personal stylist and I think I'm going to take it!"

"What?" Did I just hear this correctly? "Are you really going to quit your job to be a personal stylist for some random tranny who walked into your shop?" I couldn't imagine a normal person having that kind of reaction.

"Yes!!! I mean, he IS dating a professional hockey player so I know he's got money." I hit my head with my hand in frustration. I really wanted to not be speaking with this person. She continued to gab on for another few minutes about how she was going to re-invent this tranny whore and get rich. I told her good luck and was off of that conversation like a prom dress.

It's been about 4 months now and I got a text from her this morning saying the usual, "Kat??? How are you??? Can we meet for coffee???" I gave in and said yes for no other reason except I was feeling particularly masochistic towards myself. She sent another text asking what time and when I didn't respond immediately I got this from her: "Kat??? Please don't disappear on me again..." Oh for fuck's sake.

I went to go meet her after having been delivered some bad news about my apartment. She saw me and said, "Hiiii! I didn't think you were going to come." I wanted to walk back out the door but then felt guilty about being mean so I prepared myself for a rough hour or so of pretending to be interested in what she had to say.

She went on for the next hour and a half basically pitching her new business she's just launched and giving me her new cards she designed. Then she says I'm such a good friend and we need to keep in contact, etc. I needed a breather so I took off for the bathroom for 5 minutes. When I came back she was engaged in a really big business pitch on her mobile. "I will use your products on actresses! I know David Beckham's photographer really well and my studio will only contain your products." How David Beckham's photographer fit in on that conversation is beyond me other than the blatant effect of name dropping. And I still haven't quite figured out if Helena is a compulsive liar or just totally insane.

After I sat through a full 5 minutes of Helena's pitch and staring out the window wishing I were the pigeon eating newspaper off the ground, she finally snapped the phone shut and turned back to me with shining eyes. Man, I want the pills she's definitely chowing. Then the nightmare of subleasing would be beyond me and I could justify releasing the wild lunatic inside me.

Stuck in my head

2009-02-19T18:52:00.001-06:00

Big Stuff

2009-02-18T14:08:00.003-06:00

Sorry it's been all quiet on the blog front. Kinda seems there's been tumbleweeds skipping past on here the last month or so. But after the day I like to call the "Sack-attack" I've been a busy bunny trying to sort some stuff out in my life. I'm disrupting it entirely and not just mine but someone else's, too, which is sad. However, this time seems to be ripe with opportunity and I'm gonna take it. I'm moving back to Australia next month after 3.5 years away living in the best city ever, She-ka-go! It's only for a year, though. To you know, work and travel and have the best effing time ever. I'll be back and raring to go in my wicked hometown before I know it.

But for now, it's all busy busy. Subleasing the apartment, packing stuff, tying up tons of loose ends... I'm hoping that I've made the right decision and am not fucking over my life entirely. But I have that gut feeling. The one where it acts like an ADHD kid high on kool-aid, "Do it! Do it! Just--Gah!!!--DO IT!"

So. Yes. Melbourne, here I come. Be prepared. Be very prepared. It's time for some new adventures. We've got a beef to work out, you and I. And I'm gonna eat you whole, baby!

My kind of town

2009-02-09T15:01:00.002-06:00

From journal 2.7.09

Chicago is hauntingly beautiful. As the sun sets over its glittering spires*, the silhouettes of ancient water towers look almost black against the rainbowed sky. Glorious and industrial. Full of secrets, and while these secrets are blatantly gorgeous, they are not always nice ones. It's a harsh city at times but it is the harshness that makes Chicago's beauty that much more intense. The juxtaposition of old-day modern and what is now considered new creates a thick vibe of life. Something is always in the process; a building, a bridge, a business, a beautiful relationship. I think it will always be home.

Look at the sky. The sky...

*Thanks to Graham for the phrase "glittering spires."

Syd Love

2009-02-01T19:06:00.002-06:00

My darling girl-crush, Sydney, got hitched to her boyfriend of 2 months last week. Just like that. All "Let's go to City Hall today and get married." They threw a huge party last night and we ended up dancing in the living room with 20 people until 8 this morning. I literally didn't stop dancing until I was falling over with fatigue. God, I love those types of parties. Full of fun people enjoying themselves, enjoying me, and loving being young.

Sydney kissed me for the first time last night. Twice! They were lovely soft ones on the lips and I do believe I might like her more than I thought before. I've never dabbled in the girl world but I probably could with Sydney. Gorgeous, lovely girl.

Sacked

2009-01-21T21:09:00.002-06:00

My company laid me off today. Along with 6 others. It really sucks balls because I thought it was the sweetest job ever and I didn't see it coming. Although, in retrospect, I probably should've. Shitty economy and all that. Nevermind. I'll find something else. More travel, perhaps.

Just so sad what's going on not just in this country but all over the world. It's pretty scary, actually. I have a friend who's been out of work looking for a job since August! I blame the Bush Administration and the greedy effing bankers out there. Seriously, how could they not see this coming? Total fuck-ups.

I'm handling it better than I thought I would but I'm still dreading the trip to the unemployment office tomorrow, along with a call to my recruiter. Argh...so crap when you have a great job and then you longer don't. Sure it will all work out somehow, some way and I'll probably look back and say, "No doubt it was just meant to be."

Let the door kick your ass on the way out, Dubya

2009-01-16T16:20:00.005-06:00

Thank fuck, it's about time to get rid of the monstrous disease that has been squeezing this country dry the last 8 years. I am, of course, talking about the Bush Administration. The malignant ooze that's been pussing on us and basically destroying any good relations we had in the international community. It's such a blessing the American people finally saw through the conservative bullshit and voted in Obama. He's like water after a seriously dire drought. And now we can begin to rebuild our tattered reputation, not to mention domestic problems.

Thanks to my friend, Justina, here is a lovely little article I'm sure Bushy will always look fondly on: So Long Worst President Ever; 10 Reasons History Will Hang You.

It's just a shame that Dubs and his fucking insane cronies (aka, the "Administration") aren't going to jail. They should languish in a shitty prison in the middle of Guantanamo Bay with daily bouts of waterboarding. So, George, see ya later. I won't miss you a fraction of a centimeter. Here's hoping you fully realize how much you've ruined this country and seriously think about killing yourself. It'd probably be the best thing you would ever do for us.

2009 is gonna be interesting

2009-01-13T16:12:00.004-06:00

Still can't believe it's a New Year but somehow it's not affecting me quite so badly as it usually does. 2009 feels good. I like the prime-numberiness of it.

Sydney's New Year's party was amazing. Honestly, the best New Year's hands down. Ever. Kids we didn't know crashed the party and we all got really squiffy-faced and danced like maniacs. My dress came undone constantly due to faulty buttons and I had to keep asking people to help me put it back together. It's a good thing the boobage wasn't blatantly falling out, at least.

And now. It's back to work. *Sigh* But I see lots of travel coming up during the latter part of the year so right now it's time for me to get down and dirty in saving c-a-s-h. That means filthy nights in watching films and reading novels. Not full of the good clean fun I get whilst triapsing around this marvelous snow-infested city.

Below captures the 'blurriness' of me and Syd perfectly. She's so cool...

New Year's and Blogiversary

2008-12-31T09:46:00.002-06:00

Just back from England again and while it is always lovely to catch up with the friends and family, I think this will be the last time I go there for awhile. There are just too many other places to see in this world and my friends will always be there for me to crash on their couch and seek out a pint or two. It was also slightly depressing to be away from my family at Christmas time, which was kind of unexpected for me.

This month also marks my 3rd year of this blog. Can't believe I've been writing bits and bobs (and let's face it, full-on crapness at times) on here for that length of time. Doesn't feel like 3 years at all. Time speeding up, apparently. Which definitely means I'm getting older.

Tonight I'm off to a big house party at my friend, Sydney's. I love Sydney. I adore her. And if I were attracted to girls she would probably be the 'love of my life' or some such but as it is, I just have a normal 'girl-crush' on her and therefore just want to be around her quite a lot and mimic her. It's a bit surreal to be ringing in 2009 already but hey, it's looking to be a fab year and I'm sure it'll be better than 2008. Good times! And Happy New Year's!

Introspection

2008-12-20T22:09:00.003-06:00

This last week has made me realize just how much of a woman I am. Every morning, I've been at the dining room table sobbing over my oatmeal and coffee like I just found out I could never travel again. And it wasn't even sad sobbing, for chrissakes! It's all this book's fault. It's too soul-touching for its own good. And I absolutely adore it.

I am such a bloody girl it's a little bit disgusting even to me who doesn't even fancy shoes (except cool sneakers. A little bit of a tangent: I am not a shoe girl whatsoever and it really makes me wonder why. I think it may have something to do with my tremendous dislike of my calves and my fear of the dreaded cankles. See? See? Am having a paranoid bout of my femaleness, which I have been told is ridiculous but yet I continue to harp on about fat calves. Bringing me nicely back to the book...) She travels to Italy to eat (hurrah! Who doesn't want pizza in Italy?), then India to pray (connecting with God and letting things that bother you just go), then to Indonesia to study with a lovely old medicine man. It's so well-written and lovely and I feel like I am getting a new girl crush on someone I have not met.

Anyway, been thinking about loads of stuff and opening sketchily patched-up holes in myself all week. It's been kind of painful but healing at the same time. I think I'm realizing a bit late that this is actually a Self-Help Book. And I like it.

Destin, FL

2008-12-14T18:06:00.002-06:00

From journal this weekend:

Great wealth of beachy pastel homes. Like set of Edward Scissorhands suburban life with crazy colors but moved to the Gulf of Mexico. And empty. Most, anyway. There's a sad abandoned air to Destin suggesting happier, sandier times. Every other home or condo is up for sale or has a 'For Rent' sign in front. Very gorgeous, though. So pretty. Makes you want to move here if the threat of hurricanes weren't so very real. And all the food weren't fried. Must be Southern Life.

Dad is such a charmer. Always ready with a nice compliment to men and women alike, but especially to women. Full of useless facts, too.

Apparently, all the palm trees in Destin have been brought in from further south in Florida. No palms native here. Just sand and weeds. Rich people, too.

There is the whitest sand I've ever seen here. Coming from the mid-west, it is easy to think you're amongst snow but then I remember the warmer temps. Beautiful white sand meeting the Gulf. So shimmering and smooth, I almost want to taste it.

More good stuff

2008-12-08T20:57:00.002-06:00

So tired but in a pleasant way. Been working quite hard recently writing some articles for my Company's website. They won't be published until next week but I'm feeling pretty good about them.

The turkey bloat has finally subsided and I'm feeling semi-normal again. It's a good thing I won't be around here for Christmas - talk about gorging. Honestly, why do we have no self-control as soon as the weather temp hits -10C outside? It's gotta be like bears preparing for hibernation or something.

Mmm...bed.

Turkey!

2008-12-01T19:53:00.005-06:00

The big turkey day was last week and I am still sifting through the leftovers. There's something so comforting about turkey. Makes me sleepy and warm. And incredibly lazy. I'm not sure how people can get so effing shopping crazy the day afterwards when we are packed to the gills with carbs and bird. I do turn over every few hours to avoid bedsores. But otherwise I'm staying put on the couch with either-

a) movies

b) turkey

c) chocolate

d) pumpkin pie

e) turkey sandwiches

f) laptop

g) blankets

h) turkey, turkey, turkey!!

Gah! Lookit what this tasty gobbling beast does to me! I'm a crazed American on her way to the inevitable obesity that awaits each and every one of us in this country. Gimme the damn turkey. I need nothing else.

*cuddling bird meat*

Serious

2008-11-26T17:11:00.002-06:00

This isn't shocking but it's scary. Since I work in travel, I'm thinking of the people who are at these hotels for an interesting and new experience in a very different part of the world than where they're from. Instead, they could be a hostage right now. Or injured, killed, and most definitely terrified. I'm so frustrated with these extreme fundamentalists. I don't give a fig what your religion is, killing people isn't the answer.

Alright, you hate the West. You think we're assholes. Yes, we get it. And I'd agree that we do have an annoying tendency to be assholish. But I don't understand where religion comes in. I'm thinking that the people who do these awful acts are mentally unstable and have been coached into this by manipulative and controlling ones. I could be wrong, but what I do know is that this killing innocent people lark is total crap and while I know my country isn't perfect (believe me, I know), I don't see them purposefully trying to kill innocent civilians at luxury hotels.

Just. It needs to stop.

Small Town Lady

2008-11-16T18:33:00.005-06:00

Visited the small town I grew up in this weekend and it's always amusing to see old friends and the people who live there.

I love, LOVE, the 91 year-old waitress at the "downtown" restaurant. She's a tiny woman with white, curly, old-lady hair and her face is painted with an orange mask of foundation. Today she was wearing a lavender jumper with pink roses and yellow hummingbirds on it. And the first thing she says to me is so country that I immediately fall in love with her again; "I haven't seen you in a coon's age!" Bless. I think the other thing she had me in stitches is: "I'm so hot you could fry an egg on me!" I love her.

First Class to Tokyo

2008-11-14T18:36:00.002-06:00

I have a dream to someday fly first class. This may seem shallow and it is. It's my shallow dream to someday sit in luxury on a really long flight to somewhere far away from Chicago. Yes. I admit it. I want the chair that reclines all the way. I want the champagne. I want the hot towel. I want the newspapers. And yes. I probably will take pictures. Because I'm planning on flying this first class malarkey only once and I'm going to want proof of it.

I've decided that if the opportunity ever arose for first class, I'd take it anywhere, obv. However, if I had the choice, I'd choose Tokyo. Cause it's pretty far away from Chicago and I'd like to go to Japan sometime. I honestly have no other reason. Oh, except that Edamame is my favorite food. And I like to make fun of people karioke-ing. Anyone know how I can get a first class ticket to Tokyo for next to nothing?

More South of the Border Shenanigans

2008-11-06T21:24:00.008-06:00

Obamarama

2008-11-06T21:20:00.002-06:00

Am full of Obama love at the moment. On Tuesday, there was a million people gathered down the street from me and I could hear Obama give his speech from my flat's window. It was awe-inspiring. I am proud of America. And it feels good to say that.

Magic

2008-11-04T15:13:00.008-06:00

Had one of the best times of my entire life in Mexico City. Just got back last night after 5 days of touring, partying, and living la vida Mexicano. I might also add that I didn't sleep for almost the entire time so I'm a bit loopy.

The reaction I received from most people after they learned I was going to Mexico City was:

Me: "I'm going to Mexico City."

Stranger: "Yes, but where are you connecting to? Cancun? Puerto Vallerta?"

Me: "No. I'm going to be in Mexico City." Pause for an awkward pause and head tilt. Then:

Stranger: "But...why?" And there would be confusion clouding their eyes.

Well, because it is a fantastic destionation, that's why, people! Especially during the wicked Dios de Los Muertos celebrations. I stayed near the Zocalo, the famous central plaza with the Metropolitan Cathedral and other offical buildings. I experienced so many beautiful sounds, sights, and food with my friends. A mini-reunion with mates from Sydney was organized and I didn't hold back on running amok. Mexico is gorgeous and has such a rich culture, especially compared to where I come from. I'm happy to have been a part of the Dios de Los Muertos celebrations!

Below: Video from the top of the Pyramid of the Sun at Teotihuacan with Justina and Peter.

Halloween Party

2008-10-26T20:19:00.005-06:00

Met up with some friends for an early Halloween party last night and it was a lot of fun. I think the best part may have been the pug let loose in the flat named Goose. But I am seriously stuck on a puppy roll at the moment and can't get french bulldogs off the brain. So, yes. Halloween. It's a fantastic holiday where we can be silly and stupid and it's alright. I mean, more silly and stupid than normal which doesn't take much, I'm afraid.

Notable costumes last night was God's gift to women (he wishes) and good 'ol Amy Winehouse. Oh, and the sexy cop and super annoying oxyclean guy were great, too. Next up is celebrating Day of the Dead in Mexico City.

Totally Agree

2008-10-23T11:38:00.002-06:00

Just saw this and I couldn't agree more. I'm not sure if there's been a more black and white (pardon the pun) election in American history. It's so clear to most of us that a McCain/Palin Administration might be even worse than the current weirdos we've got in office. But whatever way you look at it, whoever ends up as the next President of America has a massive fucking mess to tend to. Maybe I'll move to Brazil.

Empty

2008-10-17T13:52:00.002-06:00

Sometimes when I get out of the shower I get an acute sense of emptiness. And it hurts. Then I continue to feel a bit melancholy and amiss for the rest of the day. I don't know why these moments come to me every now and then, even when things seem to be quite good.

But when they do, the words that are repeated over and over in my head are, "I want to go home. I just want to go home." This happened frequently when I lived overseas, which is understandable. However, what do I do when it happens and I am at home? And why does it seem to happen just as I'm stepping out of a shower? Perhaps because I'm at my most vulnerable? I feel horrible heartache and my stomach is flipping with anxiety. I feel as if I am grieving. And I don't know why.

Terrifying

2008-10-15T13:25:00.003-06:00

October spooks

2008-10-13T13:07:00.007-06:00

October's a great month. Mostly because I adore Halloween and us Americans celebrate it all month long as God intended. I went on a creepy ghost tour of Chicago last weekend that brought curious photo results. I was looking into the glass door of a particularly notorious haunted house in Chicago yearning to see something supernatural with my eyes. Knowing that my crappy non-ghost-seeing eyes would fail me, I snapped some pics of the "empty" entry and stairway. What turned up in my pics were a bit spooky since I clearly saw nothing in front of me whilst taking them.

Who knows what's real and what's not? Pretty un-settlingly, however, if you think about the ghost girl looking straight at me on the stairs (feet on the bottom step, head on the fifth, can see outline of her shoulder) and what the fuck is that weird head thing with red eyes in the background? I don't know. I'm stumped. What do you think?

Love that Golden Girl

2008-10-10T13:37:00.001-06:00

Another reason to love Betty White:

Such a legend.

City Love

2008-10-06T20:04:00.010-06:00

Every now and then I get overwhelmed with love for the city I live in. The only other place this has happened to me is London, which will always be half of my heart. Chicago is occupying the other half. Perhaps it's because it is autumn now and there's a whiff of smoke and a nip of chill in the air. I used to hate autumn as a child because it signified going back to school. Now it is battling into first place for my affection. Chicago's full of secrets and excitement. It's a cool place to live.

Drill, Baby, Drill

2008-10-02T20:00:00.003-06:00

As of this moment, the bf and I in the midst of watching the Vice Presidential Debate between Senator Biden and Governor Palin. Is it just me or is Palin way in over her head? Her rebuttals are not on the same topic to most of the questions for Biden, she keeps talking over and over again about Alaska and energy and the best bit she just said, "Drill, baby, drill." This has got to be a joke. She won't answer any questions about the health care issue and she speaks like a PTA hockey mom thinking it's cute. How she is going to get away with this debate and win is beyond me.

Biden is holding his own for Obama very well. He's being quite nice to Palin but I think this is because he can see she's digging her own grave. There are several other issues being debated at the moment that I'm not mentioning but just as crucial. I honestly can't believe some of the things Palin's saying like "some of these countries hating our freedoms, our tolerances, our women's rights." The bf commented that he doesn't really think that's why they dislike us so much but probably because of our greedy, fat-cat, globalization-monster image. Ugh. If Obama doesn't win I'm seriously considering moving overseas again.

She really reminds me of a Stepford wife slash person from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." It's a little scary. How do some people get like this??

I can see Russia from my house

2008-09-28T19:57:00.002-06:00

While I know a lot of smart people live in America, there is an overwhelming amount of stupid folk. Idiots who voted Bush in for a second term after accepting his first stolen one. I am afraid that McCain is on his way to winning and even though he chose this gem of a running mate, it may not even matter she seems kind of retarded. If McCain dies (I mean, heaven forbid), Palin could be our next president. Fucking great. I hope Obama wins because it will be the only way to get back on track in this country, not to mention internationally. Below is the real interview of Sarah Palin with Katie Couric and then the parody which is almost verbatim. Shocking.

Real:

Parody:

Not a spider

2008-09-26T12:45:00.004-06:00

Bird on my apartment window. Found out later it's a falcon introduced into the city to eat pigeons. They're the good guys.

How is it staying on the window? Why? How? So many questions...At least it's not a spider.

Back and all that

2008-09-15T16:56:00.014-06:00

Got back a couple weeks ago from a lovely trip across the pond again. I think this may have been the best trip in years. I went to a heart-stoppingly beautiful wedding in Greenwich, almost got trampled by a million people at the Notting Hill Carnival, hung out with some rockers in Camden, kicked back in like 50 pubs, drank god-knows-how-many pints, visited the British Museum for the umpteenth time, wandered around Oxford with best-mate Shelley (drunk and hungover), and met up with numerous friends. Lots 'o fun.

Now I'm back to reality and it's honestly not too bad. There's lots of other stuff to look forward to. Fall is in the air with the smell of wood-smoke, leaves changing, and my favorite holiday, Halloween, is just around the corner. The only bad thing is that it gets colder and colder, eventually leading to the dreaded, freezing-world-of-pain winter. No matter. Good stuff ahead.

Below: Notting Hill Carnival Native American head-dress dude. He looked pretty great.

-A Hells Angel in Camden. After I took this pic his friend leaned over to me and said, "Don't do that again."
-The largest sweets stall I've ever seen in Oxford. Mmmm. Sweets. Yum.

Old & Sexy

2008-09-03T09:49:00.001-06:00

Saw an elderly lady hobbling onto the bus this morning wearing a hot pink shirt proudly saying "I'm too sexy to be 80." Love it.

She did look like a sexy grandma if you know, you're into that type of thing.

Break

2008-08-20T14:28:00.003-06:00

I am going to be taking a break from my blog for awhile. Since I am leaving for London again in a couple of days and there is some sad drama going on, it seems my writing has gotten worse and worse. I know it is silly crap that I usually put up but I didn't originally start the blog with that in thought. Thanks to everyone for being lovely and actually reading it. I'll start up later, I'm sure. Take care and have a great rest of the month.

Random

2008-08-15T17:08:00.005-06:00

Every now and then, since I was a little girl, I get stopped by random strangers (and sometimes crazy ones) complimenting my hair. When I was young it was embarrassing because I hated having red hair and the only people who seemed to like it were middle-aged women going gray. Now it's a little different but the random middle-aged women bit isn't.

Whilst shopping in the "Ethnic" aisle of my local supermarket today after work, I was stopped by a lady mouthing something to me. Is she talking to me? I pull out my ipod earphones and said, "Sorry?"

"I said I like your red hair, is it real?"

"Yes."

"It's not out of a bottle? I've always wanted red hair." Said wistfully with a little spittle.

"No, it's natural."

"Where did you get it? Are you sure you didn't dye it?"

"Quite. I got it from my family, thanks."

"My grandmother had red hair but I didn't get it. It's so sad."

"You have to have relatives on both sides of your family to have red hair." Pointed out helpfully.

"Did you know that Lisa Marie Presley is having TWINS?" Said with eyebrows raised.

"Um. No, I didn't. That's very interesting." Baffled.

"Yes, and one of them will be called Jesse. After Elvis's brother. I don't know what the other one will be called. They didn't tell me." Lots of spittle and eyebrow-raising.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, everyone wants to know!"

"Of course! It's important." Clarity dawns in her eyes like one who has found someone else who understands. "Well, I have to run. Have a great day!"

"Take care of your hair!" I hear her say as I turn away.

Man. It's so refreshing to get a nice crazy like that after awhile. Made my day.

Response

2008-08-05T08:41:00.002-06:00

Last week I posted a random email apology sent to me from a former classmate that I haven't spoken to in years. I was torn as to whether I should send any response since I honestly don't remember why this person is apologizing in the first place. But in the end, I have sent one because, well, even though I feel like this person shouldn't have bothered sending me an apology he did take the time to do it. Here is what I ended up sending to him:

Hi Jon,

Sorry for the delay in responding; things are a bit busy at the moment. Thanks for the nice email but don't worry about anything, I can't even remember why I may have thought those things. It looks like you're doing well from your facebook stuff and I'm glad everything is working out for you.

Take care,
Kathryn

Short, nice, and not very personal. I even snuck in a semi-colon in the first sentence like he did. I think it's a good reply.

Creepy

2008-07-30T14:30:00.005-06:00

Gchat is weirding me out. It seems to have a mind of its own, kind of like those robots who learn to 'think' for themselves and the whole planet is doomed. DOOMED!

Most of the world and this blog know me as Kathryn but some know me as Kat. My signature for my work email says Kat but for my gmail it says Kathryn and SOMEHOW gchat figured this out and switched my name for all my gmail/gchat stuff. I cannot figure out how to change the fecker back to my whole name. It is like some weirdo-mimickey device.

Not only has it changed my name but there are recommended sites on the side of my Inbox for topics I wrote about in emails. Also, topics are there about stuff that has been emailed to me. Can anyone explain this? Is it just me that thinks this is more than a little creepy? HOW does gmail know all this stuff? Gah!!

Mad Kat

2008-07-30T14:26:00.003-06:00

The bf sent this to me and his brother today with "This reminds me of Kat when she is mad!":

I don't think this is 100% true. I'm quite sure I look nothing like this mad kitty whilst totally peeved off. Humph.

Apology

2008-07-29T13:45:00.003-06:00

I got the oddest email today. I am having difficulties concentrating at work now. And I am in need of sharing this bit of ridiculousness that came my way just now. An old high school classmate that I haven't seen in over 7 years and probably haven't talked to in almost 10 just sent this to me with the subject of "Apology":

Kathryn,

Please forgive the intrusion; I just wanted to send you a quick note. I was talking with my sister the other day, and I don't recall how, but it came up that you thought I was a jerk/asshole in high school.

I want to apologize for anything I may have said or done in the past to give you that impression. My memory of you is of a very sweet and smart girl, and I would like you to know that if I was unkind, that it was never my intent.

Best of luck in your career/future.

Jon

I think I like the "Best of luck in your career/future" the most. Or the "I was a jerk/asshole" part. This is the LEAST likely person I thought I'd ever hear from and why would I CARE about what he was like when we were in 9th grade anymore? Plus, I don't think I've ever had such an official-document-type email from someone other than an employer or doctor.

So. Am thinking about possible replies. How about:

Dear Jon,

How nice of you to apologize for your apparent assholish tendacies way back when. I do accept it and thank you.

May you have a pleasant journey in life.

Sincerely,
Kathryn

Or what about...

Dear Jon,

How weird to hear from you! Have you had some bad karma lately? Are you trying to make up for it like that movie whatsits with that guy who feels bad about past relationships so he calls all his exes to see what they're up to and apologize? You know the one I mean? You do! It's the one with that Cusack guy, I think. Wait. It possibly wasn't about karma. Maybe depression? Shit. Well, you know what I'm getting at. How's life?

So...will I forgive you? You know, I really don't think so. I just found you so upsetting in high school that it has haunted me ever since. It especially hurts me to see your facebook updates. I mean, what's with the wife and the baby? But, I do have a silver lining. You obviously care about me with this email. So possibly, I might be able to forgive you since you still clearly have feelings for me.

Uh-oh, it's just occurred to me that you didn't actually ask for my forgiveness in being a jerk/asshole but that you were just stating that you were sorry. Well, in that case, apology accepted. I mean, it wasn't really your fault, anyway. Most 15 year-olds I know (or used to know) act the same way. I don't really remember your face that clearly, either...were you a blonde?

Cheers, anyway! Have a fab life. Remember to vote Obama. I know your conservative-McCain-SUV-loving-facebook-statuses is a total cover for your real cool liberal persona. Ciao, ciao! Call me for lunch if you're in the city.

All the best!
Kathryn xxx

I am seriously considering sending reply #2.

Gotta love the wind

2008-07-21T14:58:00.002-06:00

The Windy City that is. I know, I know. This blog is turning into a billboard for Chicago. But fuckit, I love my town. Thanks to the new Batman film, it's getting more coverage than ever. Read here about the real Gotham. Thanks to Justina for the cool article.

I heart summer

2008-07-19T10:30:00.002-06:00

Just waking up from a 12 hour drinking, dancing, and music marathon. I am surprisingly quick-witted and can hold down food. I actually feel like a normal, functioning person. The great boozeathon began around 2pm at work yesterday. With home-made sangria, work was abandoned with indecent haste as we ran to the back of the office to get a plastic cup and fill it with dark red, fruity yumminess.

There's a little back room in our office that my co-worker has lovingly re-named the "Lava Lounge" with a piece of white computer paper and red marker taped above the door entrance. It's the "Lava Lounge" because said co-worker brought in her red lava lamp and there are two tiny red sofas in the room. The entire decor reminds me of one those cheesy "Romantic" hotels where they have heart-shaped bathtubs and beds. It's even more hilarious and kitsch because we're in a brick industrial type building and the soft, sexy atmosphere she was trying to pull off looks odd and a little bit wrong. I think this is why I love it so much.

Anywho, we're in the back ditching work getting pissed and eating taco dip. The boss leaves for the day and the only thing that didn't kick the office into full-on party gear is the lack of music. Good thing I had the world's largest block party to go to just a couple blocks away. After 3 glasses of sangria a co-worker and I leave to walk over there.

18,000 people in this massive block listening to bands like Rusted Root and drinking gross bud-light was actually effing fantastic. The skyscrapers were looming over us, the air was warm and steamy, the music was chill, and the socializing was jacked up to the highest notch.

After the crazy-big block party ends, we catch a bus to a club to listen to some electro music and dance with lots of sweaty, smelly people. If I weren't so hammered, I'd probably be totally grossed out. But as it was, I think I was one of those sweaty, smelly people at that point. And I didn't care! I was happy and bouncy and more than a little wasted. It is like a gift from somewhere not to be paying for my heavy boozing right now. I kind of feel a little like I shop-lifted something and have gotten away with not getting caught.

The best part is that it is only Saturday now and I have the weekend to look forward to. Hurrah!

Cool Stuff

2008-07-10T20:54:00.003-06:00

The bf and I went to watch this tonight:

It's a pretty wicked film. And one that hits close to home. Literally. Chicago is the real star of the movie. Shots in the Loop, Lincoln Park, Lakeview, and other neighbourhoods in the city as well as the lovely (and dirty, hanging on by a shoestring) elevated (L) trains we all hold dear in our hearts. It's fucking fabulous.

The film itself is interesting if melodramatic at times. It's riveting and held my attention for all 108 minutes of it. But...I think I was more interested in the director's take of Chicago to be honest. Probably because whilst working in commercial property management I had to speak with this film's production assistants to organize shooting a car chase underneath Wacker Drive. They also had to notify us of helicopters flying low and close to the building for footage. It was pretty exciting.

What wasn't so exciting is when I left my mobile in a taxi and was driving to the Hyatt (where the cab driver had left it in the professional hands of the assistant manager) and the fucking brat of a PA wouldn't let me through due to the same car chase sequence being filmed (in a different area of downtown). Apparently, the area was blocked off for the next 9 hours. I think I said something equally bratty like, "What if I was staying in the Hyatt? What would I do then?"

Seriously, though. Check this out when you can. My city is so bea-uuu-tiful.

Confused and Martinis

2008-07-09T19:56:00.004-06:00

It's always a bit difficult to meet up regularly with people you know if you lead a very busy life at the moment like moi (ahem). Right now I'm feeling quite guilty and more than a little like a bad friend.

A woman I used to work with and see every month or every other month has been making an effort to get closer to me and I haven't made any. I like her very much but I prefer our relationship of meeting for a chocolate martini every other month, talking for a few hours whilst getting squiffy, and then walking home promising to "meet up soon."

I was at a place tonight having yes, more martinis, with a close friend who is moving away soon when I received a text from the above person saying, "Ok, don't call me. Don't tell me how your new job is going." It was a little shocking to see this because I thought we were so comfortable in our sporadic martini meetings. However, I'm not sure I'm the one with a problem.

After the martini marathon, I walked home and called this person. No answer. Left a message. Got home and rang an hour later. No answer. Clearly, she is miffed. I'm not quite sure how to fix this? Perhaps send an email?

Maybe I should lay off the martinis. But then surely I'd never see this friend again as all our social friendliness is surrounded by chocolate and vodka. Or pear juice and vodka. Or apples and vodka. Or. Or...just vodka.

Oh dear.

Fireworks and Stuff

2008-07-02T17:48:00.002-06:00

Holiday weekend coming up. This is a really nice thing to happen right now. If it doesn't pour rain for a few hours, anyway. BBQs, sausages, beer, lake, lots of greenery, family, and the bf makes a lovely Independence Day. Music, too. Hurrah for fun stuff!

Totally in my Element

2008-06-23T18:26:00.002-06:00

Ooh. New travel work place. Am so comfy it is disgusting. I'm so comfy I could rock up in my pjs tomorrow. The whole day I felt like I was in a really clean, techy, brick hostel chewing the fat with a bunch of wicked travelers. But I'm getting paid for it! Laughable.

Am so happy. Now I need the free trip and I'll be in utter bliss. Yes, please. And thank you.

Oh God

2008-06-15T12:39:00.003-06:00

The bf says he's going to hell because I made him kill a spider. I think he will go to whatever heaven is out there because spiders are evil and out to get me. Humph.

Club

2008-06-15T11:52:00.004-06:00

I think I've been underground for too long. Music-wise, that is. I've gotten used to the smaller venues, grittier djs, and cool eclectic mixture of people that surround this arena. Last night I went to a club I used to frequent quite often my first year or two in Chicago. And it blew me away at how much I didn't fit in there. The people disgust and depress me. The drinks are way over-priced and about 2/3 of the place is blocked off for VIPs. Are you fucking kidding me?

Those of us who didn't pay the $120+ to be VIP were crowded into a tiny space the size of my living room, it seemed. I didn't realize how short I was until I stood in a field of giants, like last night. And I was feisty! I wasn't feeling this place one bit. So when I finally got a sort-of, can kind of see the dj if I look underneath this guy's armpit and over this girl's hair, I was prepared to fight to keep it. People were squeezing in like banana bushels and when the Kings of the Giants forced their giantness in front of me, I was not pleased.

After some fightin' words (ok, let's be honest, bitchy words) from my side, I got my armpit, top of hair, spot back. I guess working for a company that totally bitchifies their employees came to some usefulness finally. I looked over to my left and saw this classic stereotypical club guy really going for it. He had the mirror sunglasses on (my number 1 pet peeve in existence), the glow sticks in hand, and was jumping around like a Mexican Jumping Bean only more so. He was nearly chewing his fucking lips off his face and was all over his date like the lacquer on my new painting. I looked above me and saw the posey girls that belong at the horribly cheesy clubs in my neighborhood. Instead they're at Tiesto and pretending to be dancers above the crowd in their gold stilettos, fake tan, fake hair, fake everything.

What happened to this place? Or...what has happened to me? I haven't been here in a year and boy, what a change. The bf and I couldn't take the heaving monkey pit any longer so we retired to the room next door for a much needed sit down and breather. It was at this point that the night perked up considerably. We laughed together and drank a shot that I found out after downing was called "A Red-Headed Slut." How the eff do they think these things up?

Bf and I chair-danced and laughed some more. We acted silly and drank our Red-Headed Sluts. I think I'm done with these mainstream clubs/djs, though. The atmosphere depresses me and I enjoy myself much more in the underground domain. Tiesto pulled through nicely but his music doesn't bring me to Heaven like it once used to. Sad but understandable since I know I'm not the only one to have changed.

Craving Paris

2008-06-12T20:32:00.004-06:00

Yes, Paris, darling! I miss it. Actually, I miss France in general. I've been thinking about this beautiful city for about a month now. Then over the weekend I picked up my favorite Hemingway book, A Moveable Feast. If my craving for Paris was a seed before it is in full bloom now due to Hem.

I miss the winding streets, the old buildings that all look the same so you easily get lost, the amazing museums, and of course, le food. In fact, Hemingway describes French food so deliciously that I found myself running to the nearest specialty supermarket and grabbing baguettes, fromage, et saucisse galore. And a bottle of chardonnay, mais oui.

It was tasty and rich. It filled one sort of craving but not the larger one that seems to be occupying my heart at the moment. A friend of mine is leaving his job, selling his flat, and moving to Spain to marry his boyfriend and live in the sun. I am gob-smackingly jealous. Fist in mouth jealous. He's doing everything I would love to do but due to present circumstances is impossible right now.

"Don't worry, Kathryn, you'll come visit us."

"Can we go to Paris? I miss Paris."

"The train to Paris isn't far away. We'll go and walk Le Champs D'Lysee, peruse the Louvre, sit at a terrace cafe and enjoy an apertif."

All I can think about is an early summer morning in Paris when I was 17. I woke up and walked out into the morning sunshine in le arrondissemont of Montparnasse. There were few people out and the city seemed sleepy. The leafy street trees were like cheerful friends and the air smelled exciting and foreign. It promised good things to come. I bought a croissant et une cafe then walked along the slowly waking streets pondering a distant future.

In the meantime, in a city far away from Paris, there's always Hemingway to help fill the immediate craving. I just wish I'd stop buying baguettes already. Unlike Hem, you can only have so much bread.

Notice

2008-06-11T20:09:00.003-06:00

To my boss:

"I'd like to give my resignation."

"What? Why?"

"It's a great place (blatant lie) but I've found a better job opportunity."

"Oh no...I'm going to miss you (polite lie)."

"I'm going to miss you, too (total lie)."

To my co-worker:

"I have something to tell you."

"What's wrong???"

"I've found another job."

"Fuuuuuck. What am I going to DO?" Eyes rolling towards ceiling in dramatic silence. Then:

"What I am going to DO??? Shit. Can't you wait another month?"

"Two weeks was the maximum time. I really tried to extend it (truth)."

"I'm utterly fucked. It's ok. It's OK. I'll figure this out."

It's been a rough week for the people in my office.

Party

2008-06-08T19:19:00.006-06:00

Last weekend was really therapeutic. Lots of dancing, drinking, and having a great time out and about in Chicago. Now that summer is here we are like a bunch of freed monkeys from the lab.

Travel is gooooood

2008-06-07T08:58:00.003-06:00

Am ditching my corporate schmoozy-boozy-sleazy-sexist-punch-in-the-neck-numbing property management job. Oh yeah. See ya weirdos. Enjoy your harassment lawsuits. I have found a dream job for myself at this place. And it is all thanks to my obsession of seeing the world.

I walked into the interview yesterday morning to see a sunny brick room with a wall covered in Lonely Planet books. Every country in sight. The manager said I looked "like a kid let loose in a candy shop." There were atlases and globes galore. My enthusiasm was a little too high and I struggled to bring it down a notch. They laughed and seemed to like me.

So now I have this wonderful great job in travel. I think my current company is going to be shocked on Monday morning. It isn't a good time to leave. But this opportunity may not come up again so I'm taking the leap. Bye bye crazy corporate climbers, hello free trips! Hurrah!

Dutch Girl

2008-05-29T19:13:00.006-06:00

Also known as Dietha. My lovely Dutch cohort in crime. Am meeting up with her for the first time in about 7 years. She's in Chicago and I have a 3 day weekend to run amok with her. Am off to an Irish pub to begin our debauchery then perhaps to the Funky Buddha Lounge.

I hope to make it back to Amsterdam in the next year or so as I am particularly fond of this city. And not for the obvious eyebrow raising, nudge inducing reason. Well, not just that. It's cool and they have top trance djs.

But for now we're in Chicago and if this weekend isn't dripping fun I don't know what is. I'm taking my mind off the bogmire work has become and focusing it on Good Times. Yay for Dutch Girls!

Better

2008-05-24T01:03:00.004-06:00

Lovely long weekend is in the midst. Outside bbqs and sunny days are here. Things don't seem so bad with 3 fun-filled days to look forward to. Am off to run amok outside with friends and stuff. Have a good Memorial weekend.

Challenge

2008-05-20T17:26:00.002-06:00

I am feeling the heat of my job. Am a bit fed up with it to be perfectly honest. It is hard to imagine doing the same thing day in day out for the next 40 years. Some people are made for this type of routine. The workaholics and corporate-climbers that put half-assers like me to shame.

I've realized lately that even though I may show aptitude towards certain subjects, I'm still only mediocre. I'm like this in everything I do. I got good grades not great. I could play the flute well enough to get into symphonies but didn't have the courage or discipline to be a first. I do well at my job so I'm not called out but I could be much better (plus, I am sick of having to be a bitch to be liked in this profession. It is like going back to junior high all over again and I am not very good at being a bitch).

I suppose I am saying that I am average. Average has such a negative connotation. Some people think they are above everyone. I know I'm not. Am not trying to gain sympathy in this post, I know that I will toughen up and figure things out. Eventually. Just hoping it happens before I go ballistic and do something inappropriate (telling the b-o-s-s to stickit).

Remembrance

2008-05-19T06:01:00.003-06:00

14 years. I still think of you everyday and wish I had known you better. You brought joy to so many yet couldn't do it for yourself. Despite my love for you, I am hoping to not make the same mistakes you did.

I wish you were here. Sometimes, I dream that you are. I'll wake up excited thinking it has all been a cruel joke and you will hug me and hug me and make me feel safe.

Then I realize the truth and it hurts. I've stopped crying over it. Except for this day. Because I am allowed today. I miss you. It isn't fair and I don't understand why but I love you and I miss you.

Stats

2008-05-13T20:19:00.002-06:00

I don't often do this but I checked my stats for my blog today. Seems like there's someone in Texas who visits quite a bit. I don't know anyone in Texas except a girl I went to high school with and haven't seen in about a decade. And I know she doesn't read this blog.

So, Mr/Ms. Texas. Hello there. How are you? How is Plano these days? I bet it is heaps warmer than Chicago. Although it has now reached 73F days here. What are your plans for the summer?

I also have a reader from Maroochydore, Queensland. Howdy. I miss it Down Under, please wave to some kangaroos for me and go for a surf (I see Byron Bay isn't too far away).

And hello London, Woking, California, France, New York, and Massachusetts. Thanks for dropping by. Happy summer! Let's all run outside together and get a wink of lovely light (this may not work for the English readers, although I have heard rumors it's been quite sunny lately). Ready, steady, run!

Everyday Sounds

2008-05-11T20:52:00.003-06:00

This weekend was very rejuvenating and lovely. Friday my friends and I went out to a Polish club to party to some of our dubber dj mates. It was a fantastic evening. The next morning, bf and I shuffled out of bed and into the car to go see my family in the suburbs. I haven't seen them since Christmas and they live 46.5 miles away. Pathetic on my part. I'm aware.

Driving to the expressway down Division St. is an interesting experience. You go from Lake Michigan to Yuppie/Old Money to Irish Pub Central with the Posers to Pita/Pizza/Kebab take-aways to Blue Light Districts of America's version of Council Flats to Massive Amounts of Concrete with millions of cars aka The Kennedy Expressway.

Just before turning onto the Kennedy, bf and I stop at a red light for a few moments. I turn to my right and see out the window a bike chained up to a railing before a concrete wall. The bike is rusting and fake flowers are tied around the seat. Attached to the bike is a sign that reads: "[Girl's Name] 6.3.73 - 6.3.05. She heard everyday sounds in music."

I pointed it out to bf who was quiet a minute before stating, "That's intense." Perhaps it was due to my fragile hungover state but this really choked me up. My eyes welled up a bit and my nose got a little sniffly. I would've popped a tear or two out if I could make them. "She heard everyday sounds in music." That's beautiful. Beautiful.

But so young to die and in such a crap way. On her birthday. Made me really feel for her and her family.

I suppose it was this incident that stuck in my mind for the rest of the weekend. Makes me appreciate the people who love me even more. It was lovely being home and seeing the folks. Hanging out on the lake, smelling the blooming flowers, and walking the dog. I hope I hear everyday sounds in music for many years to come.

Bright Side

2008-05-05T17:32:00.004-06:00

Was feeling a bit blah today. But then my family sent me this:

I'm smiling now. Thanks family.

Blockage

2008-05-04T19:42:00.005-06:00

Have the dreaded blogger's block. There is nothing new, funny, or interesting to post. Well, that's a lie. There is but it's personal stuff that can't be posted on here and I don't want to spread gossip about loved ones. I could also write about a desperate person who I feel sorry for but that would only make me sound like a high and mighty bi-yatch. I am trying to be better.

I used to be accused quite often of being 'too sensitive.' I still am, occasionally, but a certain person was forced into my life that has toughened me up. Actually, I think I've gathered a whiff of her bitchiness and now I have to stop and ask myself if I've really just thought this or said that. I can't stand people who are outright hostile and horrible to people they don't know. And I am worried I may be doing this to someone right now.

Ah, well. Things could be worse. Apologies on the weak post.

For fun let's do it

2008-04-27T15:18:00.002-06:00

A Meme, that is. Jeez, you sickos. Thought I was being a dirty perv, again, huh? Well, you'd be right. I'm still ill so am allowed.

Because of my cool e-pal Quick, I've been tagged to pick up the nearest book, flip to page 123 and quote sentences 6,7, and 8. The book is one my dad oddly sent to me called In the Company of the Courtesan by Sarah Dunant. It would take too long to explain why my father is sending me a book about whores from the past but suffice it to say we aren't one of those weirdo families, ok? To the Meme!

6: It takes me longer to climb back up to the room.
7: When I get there, my face tells the story that my voice can't manage.
8: My lady drops her head.

Not as steamy as you would imagine in those few lines! Well, I wouldn't know, anyway. Haven't started the first page yet. I'd tag 5 more people but I think they've already done this. I usually lag behind like when I was 9 and got picked to run the marathon for my class and failed miserably. God, I never lived that down.

Sicky Weekend

2008-04-26T12:39:00.005-06:00

Still locked up in the apartment with a raging monster of a cold. Oh, sorry. I mean, allergies. What a crock-full. I knew there was something wrong with the doctor I went to because she couldn't look into my eyes whilst speaking to me. You know what I mean? It's not the person's fault, they clearly have something wrong with them (can't tell if it's a physical or psychological thing but let's be real, if you're an effing doctor and it is a psychological thing to not look a patient in the eyes on purpose, that's super cranked-up) or what but the eyes are looking two inches to the right instead of my face. I'm sure the wall has been told its many symptoms over and over again. If I were the wall I would've told the doctor to shut the front door already. But walls don't do that. I think.

Still drug-less and in pain, I've decided to hole up on this sunny weekend and watch some recent big-hit mainstream movies. Finished Juno just now and by golly my goat, it is Good Stuff. The main character and her buddies are so hipster-ish it gets a bit grating but it makes me want to like angsty underground and slightly shit but ubercool bands again. Ok, she liked some awesome rock legends, too. I did like the film's plot a lot and it was refreshing to see no one shouting at each other. If they got pissed they sort of argued quietly and shut doors. She makes being pregnant not look so alien-ish or downright scary. But I've learned enough in my life that the stuff of tv and movies are not exactly 100% representative of things that happen for real. It's a feel-gooder. Good for a rainy (or sick and sunny) day.

Next up (actually, first up, since I watched this last night in the midst of hardcore sore-throatage. Ooh. Throatage. That doesn't seem right, does it? I keep wanting to put the word 'deep' in front of it. Filthy. Oh, get off, I'm sick and not in my right mind. 'Get off'. Heh.) is I Am Legend with the ever-aging-but-still-unbelievably-ripped Will Smith. I was actually on the set of this movie in Manhattan. Ooh, get a look at me. Nah, I'm all brag because I was actually held off by a puny PA on 5th Ave. for 30 minutes so they could get a shot of Will Smith's jeep going down the fake and filthy street. They filthified it with fake shrubbery and junk-yard cars. I took photos and talked to the PA who was actually not so bad. When he told me that it was a story about Will Smith being the last human in NYC and there are some sort of vampires on the loose, I thought, Oh jeez, this movie's gonna suck.

Eh. It was alright. I get scared easily because I can't take the unexpected. Haunted houses made me poo my pants (just about) when I was younger (22). When the fricking Blair Witch thingy came out I had to stop and call a friend to talk me through it. Seriously. Pathetic. I ended up doing the same thing with the Will Smith film last night. And my bf was in the same room. It is pretty bad when I have to stop it even with another person in the room. However, I made myself (and the bf to his chagrin) sit down and slowly make our way through the grisliness. I'm happy to say I've survived (with a cold, still).

Now, I'm honestly considering prolonging my illness to take a walk outside. It is taunting me. The fucker. Although, a trip to the chemist is a priority. I need kleenex box #5. Am off. 3 more films to get through. Serial killers, selfish queens and hardworking ones are on the agenda. Need to keep the pop culture up to date, you know.

Allergic

2008-04-24T15:08:00.007-06:00

I came down with a nasty cold this week. Just when I thought I had escaped the scathing germ-filled winter, he stretched his last little frosty tentacle and snatched me into it. I've been balled up with the shivers and have gone through 3 boxes of kleenex as of yet (sorry, tmi).

I called the doctor for an appointment and do you know, it is harder to get a date with my doctor than a date with my favorite dj? Finally, today I was able to squeeze myself in (like the last person into the cramped subway who is the garfield sucker on the back doors). Oh..oh hold on. God. That was gross. Sorry.

Anywho. Turns out at the doc that I actually am suffering from allergies. This is total crap because I have never suffered allergies in my life. Except to certain types of metal. But apparently I have "swollen nostrils." But...but...why am I feeling like I have the flu? "Oh, you just have a little cold along with allergies. This happens to lots of people in the spring." Right. So, can I have antibiotics to fix myself, please? And lots of them? "Call me Monday if you're still not feeling well." Argh. 4 bloody days away. That's a long time if you feel like a jack-hammer is having a jolly go at your entire body.

Got home with some nifty nose drops and allergy medicine. I don't feel any difference. But it's been an hour. Perhaps this takes more time. Maybe it's like my tastes in food. I hated peanut butter until I was 20 then I couldn't get enough of the sticky stuff. Or pineapple. I thought it was the most disgusting fruit on earth until I was 23. Now it is the most yummy fruit on earth. I never had allergies until 25. And it is not like hating food and then loving food. It is like I was the luckiest person ever and now I'm not. *grabbing tissue and sulking off to bed*

Insert foot in mouth

2008-04-21T11:15:00.004-06:00

This weekend kicked off the first of many summery-type ones filled with sunshine, music, food, and alcohol aka The Festivals. Saturday I went to see my favorite dj at the moment, Bassnectar. The venue was decked out in loads of colors and artful hangings. The atmosphere was peaked with the excitement this dj always illicits. And he was good. I think I've seen better before, not completely mind-blowing but good. Definitely danceable. I got a nice photo of Bassnectar really going for it and with his hair down he looks like a dirty yeti grinding beats together.

After being on the dancefloor with my girlfriends for awhile I made my way back up to the bar to get a drink and hug the bf. As I neared the bar I saw him and our friend, JHoward, standing with two cute girls and chatting. One girl was particularly interested in my bf but I didn't mind. I went up to them and said hi then talked to the girl for awhile and we danced for a little bit before she and her friend took off. She was nice.

The next day we were feeling a bit fragile and out of it in the late morning when a friend rings and says we should hit the Lincoln Park Zoo and see Bassnectar again. Bf and I rally ourselves and walk a mile to the smallish but beautiful zoo. Once there I felt like we were entering a strange dimension. I could see tons of little kids and parents but they were walking along-side blantant hippies* with organic clothes, dreds, and pipes in hand towards the pulsating sounds of music further into the zoo.**

When Bassnectar took the stage he looked much cleaner with his long yeti-ish hair back in a bun. He said, "We have so much to be grateful for." And at that moment I felt grateful. For everything. I am really happy with my life right now and have realized how thankful I am for this.

There I was bouncing around when I see a girl working her way into the crowd. I thought it was a girl I met at a different party a couple of weeks ago. She knows me, too. We greet each other warmly then I ask her if she wants to go find my friends who are getting drinks. The sun is shining down brightly and the music is thumping. Life is fantastic. We make our way to the drink area and I introduce her, "Hey! This is Kat. I met her at Resonate." The girl looks a little confused then says, "Actually, I'm Amy. We met last night." Realization dawned on me like a softball chucked at my head. Oh....yeah. The girl who liked bf and we had a little dance with. Er... "Haha. Er, yeah. Sorry, I sometimes do that." My friends look around awkwardly for a moment but then everyone starts talking and she's nice and sticks it out for awhile before saying she wanted to get back to the stage.

When she's good and gone my friends bust up laughing and I'm red from embarrassment. Great. Oh, well! Off for more dancing and getting happy in the sun, then a pub with food and lots of laughing. Overall, it was an awesome weekend. Can't wait for the next. I just hope I can remember who is who when I meet new people.

*Not saying hippies are bad. But filthy ones should wear deoderant and take showers at least every other day if they can't do it every day. That is all.
**Psst. Just to clarify, am not hippie.

Love

2008-04-13T13:04:00.003-06:00

I came out of the shower, toweled dried the hair, put on some pjs and sauntered back into the living room of our apartment. Bf was at the computer downloading music. I went over to him for a hug. He pushed back long wet strands of hair from my face and said, "You're beautiful. The most beautiful girl. Not just in looks but in personality and I love you."

I am one lucky lady.

I am not that innocent

2008-04-11T11:06:00.002-06:00

In the words of the poptard herself; I'm really not. I have one of those faces, unfortunately, where people assume instantly that I am innocent and sweet and shy, etc. Perhaps it's because I am a nice person and polite. This stuff is true. But it is the most annoying thing when I let slip a nasty word and all of a sudden everyone is aghast, "I didn't know you could swear! That is so unlike you!" No, it's fucking not. It's just like me.

Perhaps this is good. It means I can have a double life. Covert like. Perfect for a spy, right? I could be all James Bondish (but y'know, female; more macho and less oil slick in the hair). I'd put on a sweet smile with my "I would never do wrong" face then assassinate the Japanese Prime Minister and get off scot-free because people believe me when I say, "I don't know what you're talking about. I would never do that." Even when it was televised. Just kidding. It wouldn't happen. He's done nothing to me.

It's funny the people you meet and the stuff you automatically judge about them. I almost always feel that in the work place people get me wrong. Perhaps I'm not on my mark with the others, either. But honestly, in a corporate world, I think it may be best if they don't know who I really am. There are worse things that they could assume.

Stupid cocking innocent looks. The bane of my working existence.

F is for Funny

2008-04-07T11:29:00.007-06:00

Watched Sesame Street for the first time in about 20 years yesterday whilst at a friend's house. They own a 3 year-old so it's pretty natural to wake up and hear that stuff on the tv. Is it just me or has Sesame Street gotten more awesome than ever? The writers have gotta be sick of the normal kiddie crap and are in the back room lighting up saying, "Yeah. Yeah. We can totally get away with this. Kids will think it's normal. We'll put a puppet in there and make it cute."

When I sat down into the leather chair and flopped my feet over the side, I got ready to be good and bored. But then Sesame Street was saying: "Welcome to the Bloom Network! Home of 'Desperate Houseplants'", cue angsty soap music and a close-up of two plant puppets in the shade, one of which has the word 'Stinky' written on its pot. They are sad because they have no shade and are drying up. But then! The gardener walks by and takes notice. Cue uplifting violins. He pulls the shade and waters the two desperate houseplants and everyone is happy!

Next up is a song on how kids can't talk to rocks, cars, or chairs because--duh! They're not alive. They also make sure to let us know that you can't measure these things, either. Apparently chairs don't grow. Who wouldathunkit? But they're totally wrong on the not talking bit. You can talk to cars and whatnot. They just don't answer you. Unless you've been prescribed the good stuff.

Then the Count appears and plays a tooting organ to the number 7 whereupon 7 dancing chickens dressed as gypsys surround him in a 7-chanting stomp.

C'MON. I don't ever remember Sesame Street being this entertaining as a kid! Or so blantantly made for stoners. Next time I flip on the tv for Big Bird I'll make sure to have a bong in waiting. Though obviously not in front of the 3 year-old. That's just wrong, innit?

Phone Conspiracies

2008-04-01T11:31:00.003-06:00

I hate fax machines. I hate their horribly irritating 'Beep!......Beep!......Beep!' It makes me want to whip my phone out the window. I can't decide if it is my phone company's fault for giving me a number that clearly resembles someone's fax or if it's the effing idiot trying to fax something and mucking up the buttons.

It's haunting the bf and I. We come home from work and there's 3 messages on the answering machine. It gets my hopes up that someone I know has called. But instead I hear the pooey noise 'Beep!......Beep!......Beep!' I've gotten to the point where I look at the machine and I can't be bothered if its light is blinking. I wonder, "What if it really is someone I know who's trying to reach me? What if someone died? And I'd never know because I was too terrified of hearing a stupid beep from a fucking fax?" Curiousity overwhelms me and as I press the button and hear the beginning 'Beep!' I punch the delete key which such ferocity the phone stand wobbles and falls. Argh!!! I always fall for the blinking light!

It's getting much worse now. The stupid people trying to fax their crap to my phone must be a law firm or hospital or Some Place that people work over night and into the early hours because at 1am or 3am or 6am we have the phone ringing in the apartment. Here's me all groggy with sleep thinking, 'It's work!' or 'Someone's died!' or 'That fucking fax machine again...' and it's always the latter. So now the phone has to be unplugged at night.

You'd think that with all the landline phone drama that I'd use up the bad phone karma. But nah, someone out there in Phoneland wants me pissed off. People keep ringing my mobile and asking for a Matt. It's been happening for a couple months now. I think I've spoken to his mother, his best friend, his girlfriend, his other girlfriend, and his granny. I got a little lippy with the mom. Went off at the poor lady and said, "Lookit. You tell Matt to stop giving out my number. I'm sick of it. Tell him he needs to answer his own phone calls and unless he wants to pay me for being his personal receptionist then I'm not gonna. Compeesh?" No, not really. But I did tell his mother to tell that Matt whoever to stop giving out my number. And she sounded indignant. Arf. Now I tell it to whoever rings me and asks for Matt.

I'm not answering the phone anymore. Am in deep-screen mode and it's gonna stay that way. Please contact me via email or telepathy.

Resonate 3.0

2008-03-30T11:48:00.010-06:00

What a wicked night! I just crawled in this morning at the crack of dawn after attending Resonate 3.0, a local Burning Man party, with my friends. Such interesting people and the costumes are pretty hot.

Here's Alli and I at the beginning of the night before leaving the apartment. We love faux fur!

Cool People

2008-03-27T10:19:00.002-06:00

I love meeting new people. Especially when we instantly hit it off and have loads of things in common. I get this feeling usually whilst traveling and meeting up with several random travelers. We will dance a night away and have passionate conversations then I'll never seen them again. And I'm ok with that. But occasionally I'll meet these type of awesome people in my own backyard, so to speak.

Case in point, I am now friends with my dentist. The person who drills my teeth is now my buddy. It seems kind of odd. But we both travel heaps, love electronic music, and are in our 20s. We are going to be dancing together when the next excellent dj is in town.

I also wandered into a travel shop last month before my trip to Brazil and encountered a crazy and lovely individual who happened to live in Sydney and London the same time I did. It's a small world. We probably were at the same places and never knew it.

I love it when this type of stuff happens. It makes me feel like there's some kind of bond connecting all of us around the world. So, despite my recent grumblings on being back to the city, I do really love it here. And I'm happy. Well, except in January and February when the winter is at its worst. But I get to meet wicked people and dance a lot. So, it's good stuff.

Bitch

2008-03-26T17:10:00.003-06:00

I have been in quite the sweary mood lately. I haven't sworn so fucking much since...since...well, probably not that long ago. But last night I was on the subway coming back from work and this rather large man with dreds thumped down in the seat next to me. He promptly flipped open his top of the line moto and shouted into it, "I fucking hate this city, man!" I kid you not, the whole carriage stuffed tight with people glimpsed over.

"I'm done with Chicago, man! This city is SHIT. It's full of crap. I can't BELIEVE I've stayed two months here. I'm going to the EU, fuck this place! With it's fucking PEOPLE." I think it was at this point that I looked up and the girl in front of me was rolling her eyes. But being experts in ignoring crazies that we great people of Chicago are, not one person said anything but continued to read their papers and listen to their iPods.

I wanted to say that I used to think that once, too. I wanted to tell him that if he stayed just a bit longer he might change his mind. But he seemed in a right fouler and I decided that even if I tried to help him he would just tell me to go fuck myself. But hey, at least I wasn't the one bitching to an entire subway car.

Cold weather is a 4-letter word

2008-03-25T11:14:00.004-06:00

I hate this ass-biting chill that's grabbed Chicago. And I'm in super-crank mode due to it. Yeah, yeah, Chicago is always freezing you say. Well, it's bloody not. It's effing fantastic and hot for about 2 months of the year and I think we're owed some warm weather thankyouverymuch. Now. I'm usually not one to brag. No, seriously, shut up and listen to me. I'm Not One to Brag but since moving to a snobby-ish place in the city I'm in a prime summer spot. Snobby-ish in a fur-coat-poodle-face-lift type of way that isn't me at all but I love the location (i.e. walking distance to work) so I'm not going to complain about the lack of Bohemian atmosphere and the overwhelming mix of old-money-new-yuppified-to-fuck-pups (and to be honest I don't really care that there's a lack of Bohemians because let's be real a lot of them are glorified hippies, no?).

Anywho. Back on track, summer (aka beautiful heat). My location is half a block from the beach and we have an outdoor pool in our building. I know. But don't hate me, yeah? Because I haven't been able to use anything yet, including the beach! Crapping cold. It's the end of March for chrissake and we'll be lucky to see warmth by the end of May. Chicago should be located about 4000 miles south. Um. Yes. Around Rio. It is never cold in Rio. Chicago could learn a lot from Rio. The weather here needs to be transported to somewhere already cold. Like Canada?

Never-ending winter bites the big one. I'm going back to Rio.

Loving Brazil

2008-03-17T18:27:00.010-06:00

So I wasn't kidnapped or mugged or assaulted in any way whilst in South America which I'm oddly a little disappointed by. I made it there and back in one piece with absolutely everything I packed plus all my bulging souvenirs (how they could be stuffed in my tiny suitcase without breaking, the bag that is, is beyond me).

So here's the low down and dirty on Brazil: It is fucking brilliant. Not low down or dirty at all but awe-gasping, heart-clenchingly beautiful. I want to sell all my worldly possessions and move to Brazil for the rest of my life. I'd pack it all in except I don't speak Portuguese very well (although I think I have a fair chance if I actually studied it) and my loved ones live in the Northern half of the Americas which is quite unfortunate for me and my chances of becoming Brazilian.

But nevermind! Here are my favorite things about my trip: I like how on my birthday everyone told me "Congratulations!" instead of "Happy Birthday!" I like all the fresh juices in the morning. Pineapple, mango, watermelon, papaya, guava, orange, and caju (cashew juice, which actually tasted quite nasty). I love cachaca (ka-sha-sa) which is a clear liquor they use to make caipirinhas. Nothing like drinking a cold and blessedly strong caipirinha on the beach. And anywhere with mountains and ocean combined like Rio is ok with me. More than ok. Almost perfection.

I saw the film "City of God" whilst in Rio after we took our favela (ghetto) tour. I saw some crazy shit in the favela which made me realize how lucky I am even though I bitch about being an American and therefore can't spend more than 3 months anywhere in the world. Seriously, things could be so much worse.

At the beginning of our tour at the top of Rocinha (which we got to on the back of motorbikes driven by people who live in the favela) we saw the lowest of the drug ring. Guys were standing watch outside buildings palming fire-crackers. Apparently, there was supposed to be a police raid that day and people were edgy. The tour guide (who runs a school for the children in Rocinha) told us we wouldn't be able to go to that part of the favela that day and to hide our cameras. "NO photos! NO photos! Come this way!" He was a big, sweaty guy who you could tell loved his job. He got high off of the atmosphere of the favela.

After we were almost through Rocinha (which is the largest favela in Rio de Janeiro with 200,000 people in only 1 sq km) I was at the head of the queue picking our way through the narrow and sewage strewn path. Stray cats and dogs were wandering by and children were hanging out in doorways and windows everywhere asking "Money? Money? Photo? Photo?" with their tiny grubby hands thrust out in a pleading gesture. The only person in front of me was the meaty tour guide. We came up upon two teenagers fooling around with their backs to us. They didn't see us and I saw one of them pull a gun out and put it to his friend's head. His friend pushed the gun away in an annoyed gesture and the guy turned back and saw us. He made an "Oh, shit!" type of face before yanking up his dirty t-shirt and shoving the weapon into his pants. The tour guide turned back to me and yelled a few yards past the teens, "Told you we might see some crazy shit here! Hahahaha! Haha!" I was the only person besides him to see what happened and I was a little bit in shock wondering, "Where the hell am I and what did I just see? Is this real?"

The only other time I was a bit nervous in South America was when the bf and I wandered over to Cuidad del Este, Paraguay. It had a very different vibe from Brazil and I didn't like it. The woman who drove us over there told us it was something we wouldn't like but had to be experienced. She said it was dirty and ugly. I didn't think it was that ugly but I did wonder for a few moments if I might get cancer in the first half hour of wandering around. There was enough exhaust to clog the Grand Canyon.

Ilha Grande is an paradise island we went to in between Rio and Foz do Iguacu. According to Lonely Planet it was first a pirate's lair, then a leper colony, then it housed the most dangerous criminals in Brazil until they imploded the prison in 1994. We hiked about 15 km to get to the other side of the island to the ruins and the most beautiful secluded beach I've ever seen. After playing on the beach for a few hours we wandered around the creepy ruins. A strange howling sound was coming from the jungle and as the sun was setting and we had 15 km to hike back across the island I was a little jumpy to get going. Some scary growling was then heard along the path leading up the island and I got the heebie jeebies when I read later on that jaguars inhabit Ilha Grande.

In short, I loved my trip down South. I know I didn't mention the waterfalls but the photos speak for themselves. I learned that I'm capable of picking up beetles, jumping off the side of boats into lagoons, and blending into the laid back culture of Brazil. I think I'm in love.

Off on an Adventure

2008-02-22T09:18:00.003-06:00

About to leave for a little while to travel around Brazil. I am really excited but at the same time my nerves are doing starjacks. I'm hoping South America is everything that I've heard. I'll check in from time to time so that people know I haven't been kidnapped. But for now, I'm off to samba-land!

Missing Burning Man

2008-02-18T17:26:00.003-06:00

As the weather is pretty shit at the moment in this part of the world I can't help but miss the crazy heat of the desert. I find myself missing not just the nutty hotness of that glorious and extreme place but the entire atmosphere. I want to ride my bike into the middle of nothingness during the middle of the night. Then hop over to the Opulent Temple for a gritty stomp. I want the giant Cheshire Cat art car to pick me up and take me to 10:00. Then I'll glance over and see a birthday cake float by. But most of all, I want to be there with my friends Jami, Kristin, and Graham wandering the Playa in search of wonderous people and music.

Below is a highlights vid from BM 2007. It's not mine but the people who posted it captured Burning Man wickedly.

V-Day

2008-02-14T12:40:00.002-06:00

Very commercial, I know, but oh-so-sweet in some ways. The bf is high on the 'Things that I adore' List at the moment. And for people who can't take too much sacchrine sweet lovey-dovey shmuck-stuff then I advise you to look away. Go play on Wikipedia for a few minutes. No? Alright, but I said it's sugar.

I walked into the flat last night and saw 2 dozen roses waiting for me. Aww. And tonight we are going to eat French food (Je voudrais le snails, s'il vous plait et vite!) and act all You're-gonna-puke-we're-so-cute in front of everyone. It's not everyday we are like that but on rare occasions such as today, it is allowed. So there. Get your waste bin ready.

Usually Valentine's is pretty crap. I mean, let's be real, there is shit weather outside and if you're not in the midst of the greatest love affair of all time (or just a normal relationship) then all the cutesy-crap is annoying and offensive in some cases. But at the end of the day, having a specific chance to be romantic is not such a bad thing. Plus, you can eat as much chocolate as you want without being judged. I'm getting the good stuff out tonight.

Happy Valentine's Day! If you're not with someone special, I hope you have the best quality chocs because honestly sometimes that's better, anyway.

Work Angst

2008-02-12T18:13:00.000-06:00

Working sucks. For the majority of us, anyway. We may enjoy essentially what we do but there are days when I think a lot of us want to run out the door leaving the dust to settle behind us. Lately I have been a bit stressed due to be the large work load I've got at the mo. I sent a particularly angsty email to the bf today bitching about the tenants:

"I am ready to kill myself I hate work so much today. EVERYONE IN THE WORLD IS CALLING AT ONCE AND DEMANDING STUFF THAT I CAN'T PROMISE!!! Fuckers. I hope they all get in car accidents on the way home tonight. Dammit. Look what my job has turned me into. I'm poo. xx"

The bf replied shortly thereafter with this sweet message:

"Honey, it is natural to despise the world and the various humans that litter its surface. You need to listen to more heavy metal and angsty '90s hard rock so that your pain can be given a more meaningful aesthetic structure."

I am getting out the Nirvana and Nine Inch Nails as I type. Let the head bangs commence and the meaningful aesthetic structure begin.

Spooky

2008-02-12T17:45:00.000-06:00

Since I was young I have always been fascinated by the supernatural. Anything paranormal I usually get a thrill out of. Halloween, ghosts, Salem witches, haunted houses, poltergeists, anything. I'm too much of a chicken to chase after any of that stuff (i.e. the Ouija board, night-time rendezvous through graveyards or even those make-shift haunted houses down the street in October). No, I just like to read about it or watch it on tv.

But I pay a price if I OD on a particularly scary show or story. Because my stupid overactive imagination starts playing dirty tricks on me. I start hearing noises that aren't there, or when I close my eyes whilst washing my face I'm afraid there will be a face in the mirror that's not mine when I open them. I don't know why I always go back for more. Some sort of twisted interest drives me.

Perhaps it's because I've had the odd one on one experience with spirits. Starting when I lived on a campus that had 6 people die in a 6 month span. Then I moved to a very old country that had a lot of history. And there was some creepy crap going on. A haunted dorm, a spooky pub, and a house built on the bones of children. After that happened it just increased my interest but as I said, I'm a bit cowardly.

It makes me wonder what happens after we leave this world. Being agnostic I believe there must be something but I just don't know what it is. In the mean-time I'll amuse myself by watching others deal with the deceased.

Weirdos

2008-02-06T16:18:00.000-06:00

Been cruising the gossip pages and found this tidbit of ridiculousness. Who are these people kidding? The sneaky sci-fi weirdos. It's good to see that Tom and his "religion" can't always slide their odd behavior under the closet door.

This is good old-fashioned rebellion at its best. And I fully support Jenna Hill Miscavige in her speaking out of the CA based cult. Yes. Cult. You heard me, LRH lovers. It may not be the kool-aid taking type but still.

How the hell can anyone read through Dianetics, anyway? It's worse than the Bible. Only I can't grasp how people believe in a book written in the '50s by a sci-fi writer. But perhaps it is just as crazy for people to believe in parables from 2000 years ago. Or am I wrong? Maybe it is all backwards and Mr. Hubbard was a messiah of some sort? Surely not. Look at the abomination called Battlefield Earth.

All I know is that if I had to be forced into this so-called religion then I would probably end up doing the same thing that Jenna is. She's been brought up with it and still couldn't be brain-washed! Take that, Tom.

Twilight Zone

2008-02-05T14:03:00.000-06:00

This morning instead of entering the office I stepped into another dimension. One where my boss says inappropriate shit and thinks it is okay.

I walked into the kitchen and found bosslady reading the paper. "So sad. The shooting over the weekend." Said as she flips urgently through the Tribune.

"Yes. Bad stuff. A friend abroad was worried about me but I wasn't here." I pour coffee into a big mug and open the fridge for milk.

My boss then throws her paper on the table. As if she is having a fit. I look up from the fridge inquiringly as she says, "My friend from college was shot there." Then turns away with a pout on her face.

"Really? That's horrible!" The milk is forgotten and I'm paused with the cool fridge air on my hip.

Then she chuckles at something hilarious, "No. Just kidding. Hahaha!" And as she's walking away from the kitchen I hear her mutter, "But it is sad, though."

Who does that? Why would she think that it would be funny to say she knew someone who was killed over the weekend to me? Very bizarre. I am seriously wondering who I am working for. A property manager or an alien.

Dirty Desserts

2008-01-30T16:15:00.000-06:00

D and I were out to lunch last week for a break away from the office stomping grounds. It was at a lovely little Latin cafe. A fancy-ish one. Y'know, where they line up impressive (and impossibly fatty) pastries and cakes in the outer window. A line of artistic sweets that scream, "You wish you could eat me." And dammit. They're right. The arrogant tarts.

After D and I had finished a fantastic lunch (in the normal cafe area), we had to walk by the tempting desserts that were arrayed along a glass panel leading towards the exit. Each one was sumptuous looking with yummified this and sugar-topped that.

We browsed hesitantly. I was certain not to buy one. I couldn't. I wasn't good enough. But D charged on gallantly. He looked at the cakes and even though he wanted something the cakes weren't doing it for him. Then I saw them. The profiteroles. I prodded D and asked him about the cream-filled puffs.

"I don't know," D said, "Profiterole is such a dirty word."

"Is it? I've never thought of it as dirty or clean. It's just yummy, creamy pastry with chocolate sauce."

"Nah, I don't like to eat them because they just seem so dirty."

"Hmm. Profiteroles. The dirtiest of desserts. Yeah, I can sort of see it."

Hilarious. I've never thought of particular desserts as being dirty. Is it in a literally dirt-grimy-needs-to-be-soaped-down type of way? Or is it a sexual thing? Am I missing the boat completely? D didn't go on to elaborate but I find it very amusing that profiteroles are at the top of the dirty dessert list.

What about creme brulee? That sounds a bit dirty to me. And it's French. Or perhaps peanut butter ice cream? Everything just tossed in willy nilly and swirled around a bit. Tastes fantastic. I don't honestly know how profiteroles fought their way to the top.

Bush is a filthy monkey

2008-01-28T20:53:00.001-06:00

The President's (ha! can barely type that) State of the Union address is on at the moment and he's still going on about the same shit as 5 years ago. Iraq this. Terrorists that. Staying in Persian Gulf hoopla. Apparently all of us Americans are supposed to be thankful for him and his admin starting an illegal war, wasting billions upon billions of our money, and let's not even talk about how down stream America's international rep has gone.

I can't stand Bush. He can't seem to get a single sentence out of his mouth without fucking it up in some way. Who knows what muck he's going to get us into this year. Roll on the election!!

Dentist

2008-01-25T10:48:00.000-06:00

I have got to get to the dentist. It's been less than a year since I've been there so it actually could be a whole heaping pile worse (i.e. never). But there's been some damage going back about 5 months now that I still haven't corrected.

I don't know if it is a) I don't like the dentist (and let's be real, who really enjoys that sadistic place? Except the weirdos who get off on pain?) b) I just really can't be bothered (um, that is another way of saying lazy) or c) There's nothing good in it for me. I don't care about the free toothbrush and floss. Give me a necklace or free tickets to a concert or better yet--money. Yes, it would be awesome if the dentist decided to pay me for being such a good patient (that is, showing up in the first place).

The goodies that dentists dish out to people (after they are through with the torture--"Let me just rip this tooth out of your gum, don't worry, yes, yes, swallowing the blood is normal. Yes, I know it hurts, don't worry you've got a jazzy blue toothbrush and minty waxed floss coming to you") just isn't enough to compensate for the discomfort and sheer anxiety a trip to the dentist ensues in most people.

Not that I have a severe phobia. I just don't like the dentist. I think you'll find most people agree with me. Unless you are one of the masochistic few who like drilling and pulling of teeth. You weirdos.

I suppose there are a few goody-two-shoes out there who have never had to worry about getting their teeth drilled. Probably the ones whose parents are dentists themselves and therefore are sheltered from sugar until they are 13 and discover good-natured cigarette-trying, snicker-filled, beer-guzzling rebellion. But in adulthood, they are actually very good about their teeth and don't mind the dentist. Oh, to be spared the anxiety...

I, on the other hand, have had cavities since I was 10. Sugar was my friend. (And still is, obv, hence the teeth problems). Fear of white coats and flouride treatments run wild. The sterile beast. I shall ask for a pretty necklace next time at the dentist. Or at least $20. It's the least they can do.

Fuck

2008-01-22T18:48:00.001-06:00

I just wrote a gritty big post on the crazies in this city and now it is forever gone because of a stupid, stupid, filthy computer button pushed accidentally. Fucking technology. I am most distraught.

Whoa

2008-01-20T17:13:00.000-06:00

I just got back from watching this film. Talk about a punch in the gut! It's filmed in a documentary style by the actors and feels very real. People have compared it to the blair witch thing in the late '90s (style-wise, obv, not plot. And it is in color. And not gay). Go check it out. It is good.

Driven to join

2008-01-16T21:11:00.000-06:00

Facebook. After the constant stream of pressure from several friends from around the world to join either facebook or myspace I have finally given in. Yes, am a bit disappointed in myself for finally jumping the cliff but you know what? I just got in contact with friends I haven't seen in about a decade. It is crazy shit, actually! The bf is groaning at me whilst I type on the computer to another "friend." He's all "I thought you'd never do this!" and "You're not going to become totally addicted, are you?"

I was always a bit of a snob when it came to facebook and myspace. I thought it was too much effort and all these "friends" made me feel a bit odd. Like what if all my "friends" have a million others and I'm stuck with the usual 2? But fuck it. Especially after a few people kept emailing me with "You have to get on [myspace or facebook] because otherwise you can't see my pictures and you are in loads of them!" So, I've done it and it isn't that bad. I quite like facebook, actually. Except I am a bit daunted by all the doodads on people's profiles.

I find these sites super easy to make fun of. Really easy but I'm going to give it a rest and instead give it a go. So, yes. Facebook. It's not just for American college kids anymore, apparently. And I'm probably the last person to join. Besides the bf. He's still holding out. But don't worry, he'll join 'the dark side' sooner or later...